TJ moved quickly to the floor beside me and held my hair back to look into my eyes.
“Babe, are you crying? No, don’t cry!” He laughed. “It’s all okay!”
“Stop laughing at me!” I half-warned, half-begged.
“It’s not a big deal,” he said.
“I just wanted to be sexy for you,” I mumbled, then immediately groaned, realizing what I’d just meant to be a thought had popped out of my mouth. Stupid alcohol.
My admission made him practically roll over laughing on the ground, which made me feel one hundred timesworse.
“It’s funny to you that I’m not sexy?” I practically shouted at him, feeling my face burn even more red if that were possible. I wished I could’ve disappeared on thespot.
He finally quieted down and put his arm over his head.
“You are so incredibly sexy, babe. It is crazy to me that you are even questioning it because I find you insanely beautiful and attractive. But you have to know this wasn’t going any further tonight anyway.” He reached over and began rubbing my back.
I lurched again. This time he quickly got up and ran for a trash can to place in front of me.
He continued to brush my hair with his fingers and rub my back as my body angrily purged my stupid drinking sins.
After a minute without barfing finally passed, I worked up the courage to speak again.
“Can you not laugh at me?” I asked quietly.
He kissed my bare shoulder and lingered there for a moment. “I am sorry, I apologize. I just-” I could feel him starting to smile against my skin. I turned to look him square in theface.
“You can’t do it,” I complained. “You can’t stop laughing at me even when I’m being serious!”
“No, babe,” he protested with wide eyes. “I just like to find the humor insituations!”
“You don’t find this gross and absolutely appalling?”
“Babe, I’m a hockey player,” he said. “Here, smell my hands.” He held his hand out to me and I took a whiff and immediately shrunk back. Was it always like that? How had I not noticed itbefore?
“I can’t get the hockey glove smell out of my hands no matter how hard I try,” he explained. “I’ve seen teammates barf from hangovers, bag skates, you name it. I’ve seen teammates shat their pants on the bench- that’s always funny. Hell, a little kid peed on the ice and my skate a little while back at the Ice League and I lied and told the other kids I spilled Mountain Dew to cover for him. I’m seriously not squeamish. So I am telling you not to be embarrassed by this. I’m feeling it right now too, if I took like a couple more shots, I’d prolly barf too. Want me to?” he jokingly offered- I think jokingly at least.
I gave him the side-eye, but his explanation did calm me down. His reaction to me getting sick did match his whole calm vibe. Besides me coaching his hockey team, what actually shook this guy?
“You feel better?” he asked.
I sighed. I did. I think all the evil alcohol had left my system and now I was just left with a pounding headache.
“Good,” he quickly stood up, careful not to step in the barf, and started rummaging around in his lone dresser. He handed me some of his clothes and pointed me in the direction of the bathroom to shower and change.
“I should clean this up first,” I protested.
“Nah, I got it. Shower, babe. I’m serious,” he said casually and shooed me toward the bathroom.
I felt bad leaving the mess for him to clean, but I craved showering the griminess of getting sick away. It also helped that his shower was a masterpiece with three different shower heads all working to heat you up, and the hot water felt amazing on my skin.
When I finally left the shower and looked back at my reflection in the mirror, I internally lectured myself over how much Idrank.
Deep down I knew why I did though… It was the night’s perfect storm of emotions fueled by my anxiety. I felt that if I drank, it would loosen me up, and I could actually afford to lose focus for once because I was with TJ. I trustedhim…
But I also didn’t want to disappoint him.
I had sensed a shift between us since the last time we were together. The steaming hot gazes he was giving me all night at the bar practically set my body on fire. There was a need there, coming from both sides. I wanted to feel closer to him… but I did not feel ready for it. So, sitting at The Blitz, my brain was already on staying at his place with him in his bed and wondering if that would give him ideas… Ideas that I would want to take part in, but that I knew would make me feel uneasy and panicked. I was embarrassed to admit that I’d never crossed that line with anyone before. That was the problem with running away from your life at eighteen and shutting the whole world out- you ended up feeling like you fell behind. And I know how all people have different timelines, etc, etc, I’ve heard that all before. But…looking back at TJ, I wished I was ready. And I wished it wasn’t such a big hurdle in my mind.
