“I… c-c-can’t… come,” I tried to hold back my stupid crying and get actual words out.
“Ellie, why not?” he asked slowly in a concernedtone.
“Because this stupid, damn, fucking bridge, TJ!” I broke down and pushed my hands through my hair. “I can’t. I’m gonna pass out. I wanted to, but I can’t.”
There was silence on the other end of the phone while I became a blubbering mess. I had driven three hours just to get defeated in the last quarter. I’d have to drive three more just to see my bed and it would be the stupidest way to end a day and a relationship. I tried to focus on stopping my body from shaking, and I wished more than anything that he was in the car driving instead of me.
“Where are you?” he asked with a resigned sigh.
“On the side of the road,” I said in a shaky tone.
“Jesus, Ellie.”
“I want to come, but I can’t do it. I can’t stop shaking,” I pleaded with him to understand.
“No,” he said sharply
I sniffled, “huh?”
“No, Ellie,” he said crossly. “You’re being selfish.”
I took the phone away from my ear. This was TJ I was talking to, wasn’tit?
“Wha-”
“You can’t? Fuck can’t. You just don’t want to. You don’t want to inconvenience yourself. Thought I’d give you an out? Well, I’mnot.”
I looked at the phone aghast.
“Are you mad at me?!” He yelled.
I still couldn’t findwords.
“I thought you were a boss bitch, but I guess you’re just a weak bitch. I don’t date weak bitches,” he continued. “I’m gonna go pick up someone’s baby tonight and shake it just because I feel like it, and who’s gonna stopme?”
I felt my eyebrows knitting together. Was he making fun of me? Did he really call me selfish because I was having a panic attack? Did he really just call me aweak bitch?
“Are you a selfish, weak bitch?!” he yelled.
“Stop it, TJ!” I desperately yelled back, but he hung up on me.
What the fuck was that?
What an absolute asshole.
He could not talk to me like that.
I sucked in a huge breath.
With a new anger, I pushed myself. I needed to cross that bridge. I needed to walk up to him and slap him across his stupid, stupid, handsome, stupid face.
He knew I had a problem with anxiety, and he just threw it in my face like that? Did he think I was making this up?
“Oh God… Oh God… Calm, calm, calm!” I felt myself yelling in my car at myself and trying to focus on the road in front of me instead of the drop off on both sides.
About a minute later I had safely crossed the bridge.
I let out a celebratory yell and turned my music higher.
