“Give me the baby,” a stern girl’s voice snapped.
I turned in my seat and made eye contact with the most beautiful girl I think I’d ever seen. I actually felt like the wind was knocked out of me. If the clouds could figuratively part and angels could sing, this would be that moment, and not just because she was saving me with Mr. Droolmonster.
The look on her beautifully delicate face wasn’t very pleasant though…
“What is wrong with you?” she asked, snapping her fingers in my face. “Did you not hear me?” Her eyebrow creased.
I felt my mouth drop open, was she talking to me that way?
“Hand over the baby. Are you stupid? You’re bouncing him way too hard,” she said in a harsh whisper.
I paused for a minute, trying to understand why she was being so mean to me.
“Well, I don’t know if Ishouldhand him over,” I finally said after finding my ability to speak. “You’re being awfully mean.”
“The baby is almost as loud as the DJ right now,” she said tersely. “Max and Paige are enjoying their dance and they’re going to leave the dance floor if you don’t give me their baby! Once some people leave the dance floor, they all start toleave.”
Who was being loud now, I thought. She went from a whisper to practically yelling at me… But as annoying as she was, I was still totally captured by her. I wanted to tip her angular chin down to me and claim her beautiful pink lips with my mouth right there to stop any more harshness from coming out and being aimed at me. It would preserve her beauty honestly.
But she just shot me an annoyed look and reached for the butterball, taking matters into her ownhands.
Immediately, the baby stopped screaming and started busying himself playing with a chunk of her curled auburn-colored hair that reached down to him. Since I was released, I slowly stood and realized I towered over her. Maybe her tone made her seem larger. But she probably wasn’t much taller than Jules, who was around 5 foot even.
“Damn,” I cursed to myself. I couldn’t be with a short girl. I took another sip of my jack and coke to ease the disappointment. Our future babes wouldn’t surpass me in height if I married short. I was trying hard for my swimmers, ya know? A man had to.
“Excuse me?” She regarded me with a suspicious look.
“You’re short,” I said with a shrug, trying hard to ignore how perfect and motherly she looked holding the baby.
“And?” she asked with an arched eyebrow directed at me. She had an annoying way of phrasing things- like she knew so much more than me. It made me feel like I was a dumb little kid again being reprimanded by my three know-it-all oldersisters.
“Can’t have short babies,” I said matter-of-factly.
She snorted at this and rolled her eyes at me like I was some low specimen that she’d never get with anyway.
“What’s so bad about me?” I asked, suddenly feeling very defensive. I was already feeling a bit sad about sitting here alone while all the happy couples sashayed their way around; it really felt like they were rubbing it in my face on purpose.
She ignored me and looked at the baby lovingly while slowly swaying. This girl. She was the true definition of what Billy Joel was explaining in his song “She’s Always a Woman.” While she totally gave off the vibe that she couldn’t care less about you, she also had an addictive aura about her. She was just so gorgeous that I couldn’t make myself walk away.
Max’s baby chose that moment to ruin the trance she’d put me in.
Right at that second, almost in slow motion, butterball spit a line of liquid a foot high, like a volcano erupting, all over Ms. Sassy Thing.
White liquid coated her neck and chest and looked like it was seeping down the center of her shiny lavender dress between her (beautifully featured) boobs.
Immediately, uncontrollable laughter bubbled out of me- karma got her for being such a brat in my book.
“I told you that you rocked him too hard!” she screeched at me when the shock wore off.
“Oh my God,” I sighed at the ceiling, fighting a smile and willing myself not to laugh anymore before I looked back down at her again. “Sure, let’s play the blame game now.”
Paige swooped in then, interrupting us to steal her baby back.
“Ah! I am so sorry!” she apologized with worried eyes and a creased forehead as she rushed for her kid. Man, I liked the little guy a lot more now. He had my back.
After Paige tore away toward the bathrooms, I was left with the spit-up covered she-devil. I really wanted to walk away, but when I looked back down at her to say goodbye, I noticed the rims of her bottom eyelids were turning a little red… and there might’ve been a little glassiness coating those green eyes, which immediately made me feel bad for laughing at her.
“Hey, it’s okay,” I tried to comfort her while searching the table for a napkin to hand over.
