Around 4am I wished I could’ve fast-forwarded things with Ellie, because then I could’ve been in bed with her. Cuddling up close and being a big spoon sounded like heaven, but the thought of that just made me even more uncomfortable because then I had a hard-on as well.
By 6am I was ready to throw in the towel with trying to sleep and start moving. I padded into the kitchen to try to figure out if she had a coffee maker.
While I located the maker, I couldn’t seem to find the actual coffee, and damn did I crave it. I could not function in the morning without it anymore.
I sleepily walked down the hallway and looked at the two doors. One had a tie-dye cloth and dream catcher on the door- not Ellie’s vibe- and the other had a calendar on it with each passing day checked off, which was much more my uptight girl’s speed.
I knocked but received no answer. I wondered when her usual wake up time was, and I chastised myself for not asking last night.
I weighed how mad she would be if I woke her up against how badly I needed coffee. But I didn’t sleep and was desperate at that point, so coffee won out.
Only thing was, when I tried to open the door, my push was met with something on the other side.
That was weird…it wasn’t locked because the handle gave way. I tried again and it only budged about an inch. I pushed my shoulder into it, opening it a little further. I looked through the crack then to see a couple disturbing things.
One- the girl had pushed a small dresser up against her door, and two- she was sleeping with a baseball bat on the floor next to her bed.
Now, that hit me with a painful ping to the chest and pissed me off at the same time. At what point did I come across as dangerous to her?
It was one step forward, three steps back with this girl.
15. Ellie
“What the fuck, Brampton?”
I was stirred from my sleep by that outburst and looked up at my door to see a very shirtless, very muscular TJ with a hurt expression on his face trying to wedge his way into my room.
“I’m not some bad guy. Was this all because I stayed here?” he asked as his dark eyes narrowed in on me.
I just pulled my blanket up higher, ignoring his question. I knew by this time that he wouldn’t hurt me, but I needed to do what would let me sleep with a peaceful mind. He wouldn’t understand. I could tell I made him feel badly by it, but I couldn’t help it.
I tried to box up the feelings that I was having as I watched his strong muscles working while he moved my dresser out of the way.
“Not gonna say anything, huh?” He carefully closed my door behind him and walked closer to my bed.
“Can we talk about this?” he demanded. He pushed a hand through his messy, pretty-boy hair and pointed at the bat with his other muscular arm.
His demand irked me. Why was he coming into my space and questioningme?
“Talk about what?” I snapped quietly. Nikki was probably still sleeping.
“About the panic attack. The stomping away. The freaking baseball bat, Ellie!” he said with wide eyes.
I had no response for him. This was who I was now. He had to know that. He liked me that much? Well, he could take it or leave it. This was why I stopped dating. Now he could see it and leave me too. Iwasthe scaredy-cat with no self-confidence in my choices anymore. I second guessed letting him use my couch about a million times last night.
He put a hand over his eyes and shook his head. I thought he was going to turn and storm out the door and that would be the end of this strange littleconnection…
Instead, he moved closer, and my bed creaked under his weight. I felt it divet down by my feet near where he was sitting.
“I’m not going to hurt you, you little psycho,” he said, patting my leg.
I paused a beat.
“Well, how do I know that?” I spoke so quietly I wasn’t sure if he even heard it.
He seemed to gain confidence when I responded, and he sat a little straighter.
“I guess you have to trust me, okay? You like me too, at least a little bit, don’tyou?”
