I stayed silent. I knew the drill. He was drunk off his ass. It showed in his red face and crazed eyes.
“What the fuck, Julianna,” he whispered. “Where the fuck were you two?”
“I took him out for his birthday,” I said boldly.
“Where?” he demanded.
I paused. I didn’t want to let him know. Because he would twist the reason why I had gone.
“Where?” he demanded harsher and took a step closer to me. I commanded myself not to flinch as he neared.
“Where!” he shouted this time and I did flinch.
“A hockey game,” I told him.
He seemed to back off then.
But I was wrong.
I felt another heavy hand hit my face and this time the force almost made me fall into the tub.
“It’s going to show!” I hissed, trying to hide the hysteria I was feeling.
That finally caused him to back off.
But he wasn’t done taking shots. He gave a snide laugh, “Went to watch the old boyfriend, huh?” he spit. “He doesn't want you. Ungrateful,” he spit.
I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath until he left the bathroom and I finally exhaled.
I tried to calm my breathing and think back to how worth it going to the game had been.
I thought of my precious boy’s smile and willed myself not to cry. My throat burned. We had to get out of this. There had to be a way out. I had messed up. But I didn’t deserve this. No one did.
Chapter Thirty-two: Grey- Present
I stood in front of the grill alternating between sipping my beer and moving the hot dogs and hamburgers around with my left hand. I couldn’t stop moving. A nervous energy had come over me ever since she said yes a few hours ago.
Paige, Max, Smitty, and Ashlie were all chatting on the patio, but I couldn’t hear them over my thoughts.
I’d been waiting for this talk for so long, and apparently, she had too.
Having breakfast with her and Canyon earlier had almost been a dream come true. The sadness that came over her when she saw my hand wrecked me, reminding me of how messed up everything between us had become. But it also showed me that she still cared for me.
I wasn’t sure where her head was at, but I still wanted everything with her. So bad. I wanted the weird wall between us to be decimated. I wanted to be able to touch her and hold her. I wanted to be the one to take care of her and Canyon. I wanted to let her know that I knew she was strong and capable, but she shouldn’t have had to do it all on her own. Neither of us ever wanted to be away from each other. I could see that clearly now. With some twisted f’ed up cut off from both sides we had been isolated from each other.
Even if she didn’t want me in the way I wanted her, I’d take whatever she’d give me, even if that meant just friendship and being a coach to Canyon. I just knew that I’d never leave her again. I owed it to her. She was mine to protect all those years ago and I failed.
I’d lived so cynically and had just gone through the motions for so long, she was like a lifeline back to who I was. I just hoped she could see that we could still have what was ours- the life that was meant for us.
Neither of us were the same anymore; life changed us as it changes everyone, but I was still so drawn to her, even more so than before, if that were possible. She was stronger now, anyone who knew her could tell that. Watching her with Canyon was equal parts joyous and painful because it was exactly how I’d always pictured her as a mom. It gave me relief that she’d had him these past eight years. I’d had no one. I’d been stuck in a living hell without any sort of relationships or love. It was just now, since I’d been back here that I realized how much I’d missed in the past years.
“Hey,” Paige came up from behind me, “she just texted me she’ll be here in a minute. Why don’t you go inside and greet them, Smitty can take over the grill.”
My mouth went dry. This would be it. This conversation would decide if we could get back on track after all these years. I took another sip of beer.
Paige patted my shoulder, “Relax! It’s Jules. She came home to us. Go get you girl,” she whispered and gave me a wink.
I nodded and nervously moved toward my front door to wait for them.
