I kept glancing at my phone, wondering if I should try to congratulate him on his game… but what was the point? There was no going back now.
Alone on the floor of my bathroom the grief was finally replaced with twisted hatred. As much as it was my fault for getting with Kevin, I never in a million years would have ever been with him if Grey hadn’t abandoned me.
I sought out Kevin for comfort, but in the back of my mind, I knew it wasn’t something he could ever give me.
I would never be able to love anyone the way I loved him, and I thought he felt the same way about me. It felt so stable and so real. I could still picture him like he was right there in front of me. The way he looked down at me and said he loved me so quietly; like half of him wanted to say it to me, but half also wanted assurance from me. He’d told me once that he just loved hearing me say it to him. How the hell was that not true love? How could he just walk away from that?
What we had was raw and true and rare. And now it was ruined forever.
He discarded our love like a piece of trash and in doing so, he ruined me. He had no right to make me fall in love with him if he wasn’t going to fight for us.
But that’s how it was for me. I was never good enough for anyone’s love. Not my grandparents, and now not Greyson’s either. I just needed to get used to being on my own and I needed to accept that Grey had been it for me.
If only it could be that easy though. He entered and exited my life, but I couldn’t disregard all my memories and feelings for him. The way he looked at me and touched me with a gleam of awe and respect making me feel treasured... the way he held me in his arms and comforted me as I cried… the way he pinched my stomach, saying his baby would be there one day.
It was all too much for me.
Because this was Kevin’s.
The thought of that broke me.
Greyson would never forgive me.
But who was I kidding? Greyson didn’t want me anyway before this. No way would he ever want me now.
A baby.
I touched my stomach.
My grandparents were nowhere to be found. Greyson didn’t want me. Kevin wanted me only as a status symbol and possession and didn’t really care to have me around unless it was for show.
But I really wasn’t alone anymore...and I vowed to myself to never treat my baby with the carelessness that I’d been shown. I needed to keep him. This was my little love to protect.
Chapter Twenty-six: Greyson- Present
I stormed into Benny’s holding my bleeding hand at a weird angle, trying to stop the dripping blood from staining their floor.
I probably should’ve driven myself to the hospital, but I couldn’t stomach it. I always hated the hospital; it had always been unfriendly to me. As a kid I relied on Jules to help clean me up when I should’ve gotten stitches. My feelings of hate for the place grew even stronger after losing her. In my mind, I lost her when I was banned and she was lying there unconscious. Throughout my hockey career I was treated by the team docs who knew I would never step foot in a hospital even if they told me to, so they always handled things for me.
My hand probably wasn’t even that bad. I figured I was just in a panicked mood and Paige could probably fix it up for me. It just needed some ice. And I needed to ask Paige what to even do about what I’d just learned.
I flinched at the sound of cheers erupting from a group of old timers watching an NHL game. Fuck that. If I couldn’t play there’s no way in hell I wanted to watch. The anxiety and pain raging inside of me made me want to rip the tv off the wall and slam it onto the ground.
Paige turned the corner and slammed into me, causing me to let out a painful grunt.
“Oh my God, Greyson, what happened?” Her eyes widened and she looked from my messed-up hand to my face.
I clenched my jaw and looked away.
“I’ll get the first aid kit for the bleeding, but that doesn't look okay,” Paige said as she ducked behind the counter. “I’m texting Max to come help. You’re gonna have to go to the hospital, Grey,” she warned. She knew my affinity for the place.
I couldn’t get the words out. I was honestly afraid of breaking down. I felt a burning lump of tears waiting to erupt in my throat, making me feel like an eight-year-old kid again, and was rooted to the spot.
“Follow me to the back,” she snapped.
Her demand irked me but I needed help. I let out a grunt, trying to clear my throat, and followed her past Benny’s kitchen toward the back office. The only times I’d ever been back here were when we were about sixteen or seventeen, horsing around and daring each other to steal beers from the kitchen during summer training days. Things were so much simpler then. It was crazy how back then I had no money or place of my own, but I had a life. It was now that I actually had nothing.
The hallway leading to the office looked so much smaller now. I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that Max and Paige owned it.
