“Yeah,” I moved away from his grip, but he tried to keep me there a second longer.
“You sure?” he asked. “Hell of a hip check,” he joked lightly.
I nodded, avoiding his dark rimmed eyes, and started to grab some paper towels to clean up the glass, moving slow because my hip did still hurt.
“You need some ice?” his dark eyebrows scrunched together in concern. Why was he being so nice to me now? It was easier when he was icy. I didn’t want to want him.
“It’s okay, thank you,” I said politely.
He bent down to help me pick up the large shards of glass.
He caught my eyes then and his jaw twitched, “no glass hit you, right? Leaves a hell of a scar.” I looked up to see his face turn to stone once again. Under my gaze he looked away.
I shook my head no, “I can finish this up though. Thank you for…”
He missed a beat and swallowed, “no problem, Jules.”
When he returned to his seat, he and Canyon continued talking about the team and I finished up the last batch of pancakes.
I put the last pile in front of them and turned to leave, but the boys wouldn’t have it.
“Wait, Jules…” I heard Grey say.
I turned at the edge of the kitchen, sipping my coffee. His eyes looked like they were pleading.
“Hmm?”
“You should eat,” His eyes burned holes into me, through me, taking us back to sixteen.
“Yeah, Mom! You can’t break tradition,” Canyon said.
Grey looked at him curiously, “tradition?”
“Every Sunday we stuff ourselves with pancakes,” Canyon said simply.
“Well, I can’t be the one breaking a tradition, hockey players take those seriously,” Grey smiled at him and then me.
I slowly walked back to the table and took a seat across from the boys then. My stupid stomach chose right then to let a growl out, causing both the boys to start laughing at me. I was hungry…
Maybe this could be our come to peace moment.
Chapter Twenty-four: Grey- present
When I first saw her in the kitchen, I nearly forgot it had been years since we’d been together. She looked almost the exact same. Her hips were maybe a little wider, and she seemed to have leaned out in other places where she’d lost muscle, but her standing there in that old t-shirt made it feel like we were 22 again. Canyon had said she didn’t know I was coming, so she didn’t have any time to prepare. But I always loved her like this. Right out of bed, with barely any makeup on so you could see her freckles. She made messy look sexy. And that t-shirt… It was from a country concert that we went to together. I bet she didn’t even remember where she’d gotten it. But it made me feel lighter knowing that she still had remnants of our past. I carried one on my face, it only seemed right.
Another thing that nagged me as soon as I saw her: I knew what was under her shirt, and I still wanted it.
When I’d touched her hip, it was like a time warp. I had held her hips so often. I felt the rush of an urge to pick her up, have her wrap her legs around me and make out right there on the counter. I imagined it would feel so natural. So right. I wouldn’t be cock blocked with guilt because she was The One. I wanted it so bad. But I had to bring myself back down to this reality.
I wondered if the glass comment had reminded her of how I got the scar she had questioned the other day, but I didn’t see anything register in her face. How could she not remember? The fact that she didn’t was so fucking painful.
That was a different life ago though. Canyon was a reminder of that. We would have to navigate this new life- the one where she’d married someone else. I felt myself clenching my jaw and forced myself to breathe deeply every time I thought about it. I knew that I had to accept what I’d lost- that she didn’t want me back then; but for some reason I couldn’t shove it behind me.
I tried to push all my negative thoughts away so I could enjoy having breakfast with her and Canyon.
When she didn’t sit down right away to eat with us and appeared to be skipping breakfast, I was tempted to say I wasn’t leaving the table until she did eat… something I’d had to do in our past because of her figure skating. If that were the case, then I knew she needed someone. Someone to be watching over her. Someone who really knew her and loved her. I did calm when Canyon said they stuffed themselves every weekend though.
I could be angry with her all day, but at the end of any day, I’d be lying if I said I didn't want to be the someone that she needed or wanted. And that made me so confused. I was so hurt by her but so damn addicted to her even after all these years.
