“I don’t want to focus on the sad stuff though, I want to hear about you! You a high-end mama driving around a Range Rover these days or what?” She asked. I couldn’t help but laugh that she’d remember what we joked about so long ago- that we’d be cool lulu wearing, mimosa sipping, Range Rover driving moms of little athletes together.
I hesitated, I wasn’t sure if I should play it off and pretend everything was perfect or if I should actually let her know just how glamorous my divorced ass was becoming. She’d been so real with me…
“Range Rover- yes… but only because I got it in the divorce settlement,” I said softly, looking down at my glass in front of me. “So recently single.” I couldn’t help but feel a certain amount of shame saying this. I wasn’t shameful that things ended with Kevin. No, that thought brought me great joy. What shamed me was the fact that my baby didn’t have a good father figure because I knew deep down, I had married the wrong person. Neither of us married for love. And through our marriage Kevin had always been hyper critical and horrible to me. I drew the line when it came to treating Canyon with that cruelty. No one could talk to my boy that way. I honestly think he left because he became sick of being around me. And that was the perfect ending.
I looked back frequently wondering why I stayed with him through that hell, but I didn’t really have a choice. I had to forgive myself for being young and naïve at the time.
I looked up at Paige to find her staring down at me with her mouth in a perfect o.
“Well,” she said slowly. “Maybe your ex just wasn’t the one?”
A picture of Grey came to mind when she said ‘the one.’ As per usual. It happened every time and it never hurt any less. I took in a breath and snorted, “Kevin definitely wasn’t, I knew that at the start. I shouldn’t have ever married him. It was kind of forced on me and at the time I was practically a space cadet. I kind of blacked out of life,” I snorted.
That was the first time I’d said that out loud. I kind of shocked myself with my candid honesty. Maybe I finally needed to speak the truth.
But when Paige looked at me with sympathy, I hated it. I shouldn’t have let the truth slip out. She nodded slowly, “Things happen for a reason, I guess.”
They did. That was something I wholeheartedly agreed with. Because without Kevin there would be no Canyon, and my little troublemaker completed my world.
“So, are you hard-core single or dating these days?” She asked with a mischievous smile, trying to lighten the mood.
I mulled it over. I hadn’t put too much thought into that question yet.
“Honestly, I want to be single, but then again, it can get lonely and I do get jealous when I see Kevin with his leggy bimbo… but not over him,” I added quickly. “Just over being with someone, ya know? But I don’t feel like I could trust anyone new anymore anyway.”
She gasped. “The ex cheated on you?”
I just nodded. I didn’t care anymore. I was actually happy ‘the other woman’ came around and convinced him to divorce me. It had been my only way out.
“What if it was someone you already trusted?” She questioned.
I gave her a shrug, not wanting to think about it too much, “It’s all good. It just sucks because I really wanted Canyon to have siblings.”
“Well, it’s definitely not too late! You had an early start! Look at me and Max, we’re just now trying to get started. You’re only what, like 29? 30? I would just… keep an open mind,” she finished, but looked like she wanted to say more. I remembered that look from our twenties and it made me smile knowing that I could still read her.
“What is it?” I asked.
“How long… um…” she looked down at the bar in her struggle for words.
“Just ask,” I urged. I had a feeling I knew what her question was going to be.
“I was trying to do the math, and in no way be like mean, but just… how long after Grey was your son born?”
I knew she didn’t mean to be offensive or accusing in any way. I’d been gone for a long time, but I knew deep down Paige wouldn’t ever want to hurt me. On top of being so nice she’d always been an on-the-girl’s-side kinda girl.
“It’s ok,” I played with the condensation on my wine glass again. “I’ve actually never talked with anyone about this past… He was conceived at the end of that summer.” I looked back up at her and took a deep breath, “It was an accident, if that’s what you wanted to know. And not with Grey,” I said weakly, internally wishing it was a lie.
Chapter Eight: Grey- Present
I looked at the paper with the finalized list of kids on my team. Analyzing it for I don’t even know what- it’s not like I could look at a bunch of random names and be able to tell what Jules named her stupid kid.
Whatever. It was all up to fate at this point. It was probably easier that I didn’t know her kid’s name anyway… because if I did know it, would I really be able to cut her kid? I said I’d easily do it… but in actuality, I wasn’t so sure.
“Alright, here it is. See if you agree,” I sighed and handed the paper to Max.
He quickly scanned over my thoughts and nodded, “I’m with you on all this.”
Still in his skates, he turned and exited his office to post the results up on the board in the lobby.
