Staring at the shelves of toys, Donna could see Rich was overwhelmed. They’d discussed the kids’ lists as they drove. Some of the items she or her mom had already bought. A few of the things on them wouldn’t ship well, and they had no room to bring them home on the plane. And a couple of items, Rich said he didn’t want to give them, but he hadn’t said why.
Donna pointed to the list, specifically the Lego sets the boys had recited. “These would work. You could put them together with the boys and then disassemble them, and we could ship the box home if it doesn’t fit in the suitcase.”
“I’d love to give them that climbing gym they want.” Burke said. “They’d all play with it. And then I could get them each something small as an individual gift.”
“The box for that thing is huge. It would cost a fortune to ship home. Besides, we’d have to keep it at my mom’s house. I can’t keep anything like that outside of my place and it’s too big to have inside.”
Burke knew he was warming up to the idea of her living with him. He’d love to provide a house with a yard for the kids. Even if it was just the small backyard of a townhouse like the one Wilson lived in. He and Rae had put in a small swing set in their backyard for Lilly, and they still had space for a table and chairs.
Until they had a much bigger conversation, the climbing gym would have to wait. He selected the Lego sets the boys wanted and the Disney Princess dress-up box Jeriah wanted. He didn’t think it was enough though. He wanted to get each of the kids another gift, but Donna assured him more was not necessary.
Donna sat across the table from him at the restaurant. Rich seemed distracted or uncharacteristically restless. “Is anything wrong?”
“No.” He knew, though, that he was still preoccupied with the mission.
“You seem worried or distant,” she said.
“Not at all,” Rich said. He reached across the table and took hold of her hand. “Not at all,” he repeated once he held her hand. He was thoughtful for a moment. He’d never talked with her about how he felt after a mission, but felt the need to today as he was considering if it was possible for them to have a relationship deeper than friendship. “I’m still coming down from the last case. Sometimes it’s hard to purge work from my thoughts. That’s one reason I like spending time with you and the kids. You remind me that not everything is that reality. Just spending time with you and the kids helps me disconnect from the job and focus on something more important, like the kids, you, and normal life.”
Warmth filled Donna. He referred to her and her kids as something important. That was quite a statement. He’d never expressed that sentiment to her before. “I know you can’t tell me about what you did at work last week, but was it more intense than usual? Is that why you’re feeling this way today?”
“No. Some cases are horrendous, and it takes a day or two to purge the remaining thoughts and feelings. This wasn’t one of those. I’m sure by the time we get back to the kids I’ll have it properly tucked away and if I don’t, once I start to interact with them, the job will be gone from my thoughts.” He smiled. “One of my buddies said that he doesn’t understand how focusing on the kids brings me peace, but it does.”
“I’m glad spending time with them does that for you,” she said. “And you’re good with them. They get a lot out of the time they spend with you, too.” She was encouraged that he was confiding so much in her, even if his peace was brought by the kids and nother. Again, a small wave of disappointment hit her. Was he really expressing any feeling for her beyond friendship?
Tango
The atmosphere during the afternoon was comfortable and pleasurable for Burke, as it always was when he spent time with Donna and the kids. Even with Donna’s mom there all afternoon and at dinner, it didn’t change how it felt so normal to him. He allowed his thoughts to linger on what a permanent relationship between them could look like and how it could be achieved. Until then, he’d told himself it was impossible.
The kids helped him make dinner, which was a fun time with a lot of laughter. Jeriah may not have laid the noodles in straight lines, but she was proud of the job she’d done. And he taught the boys how to brown ground beef in a pan. They’d never cooked anything on the stove before. Donna and her mom sat at the table and watched as the meal was made, marveling at Rich’s patience.
While the lasagna cooked in the oven, they played board and card games, as there were shelves full of games in the kid’sbedroom. Each kid got to pick one game they all played together. They ate as a family. It was relaxed, and Burke was aware that he felt something inside that was very different this visit from past visits.
It was an openness to exploring a deeper, more official relationship with Donna, a desire to make the arrangement permanent. It was also an appreciation that this was his family, and he wanted an official recognition of that fact. Somehow, he would have to try to help her be okay with his job. Maybe Wilson was right. If Rae talked to Donna or if she had an appointment with Lassiter, just maybe, Donna could be okay with the job.
Burke read the kids bedtime stories, and he and Donna tucked them into bed. Dorthea had retired to her room shortly after dinner. And then he and Donna returned to the family room. He sat on the couch and pulled her onto his lap. “The day was perfect,” he said. He wrapped one arm around her, and he laced his fingers with hers with his free hand.
“It was,” she agreed. “I wish you could spend more time with us.”
“I've was thinking about that, Donna,” he said. “I wasn’t going to talk to you about this until after Christmas, but since we’re on the subject, I would like to spend more time with you guys. But the job I do isn’t easy on families. I’ve tried to keep our relationship as just friends so it’s not too much on you.”
“I told you I can handle it, Rich,” she insisted, irritated that he felt he had to keep their relationship as just friends because of how she had reacted to his job previously. If she could take backhow she freaked out about her sister getting shot and the danger their job brought, she would.
“I have my weapon holstered in my boot today so that you wouldn’t accidentally bump into it and freak out like you do,” he said. “That’s not handling it.”
“I don’t freak out! It just startled me because I wasn’t thinking about it.” She shook her head. “Rich, we’ve only been together a few times over the last year. Each time, I was just excited to see you, and my thoughts weren’t on the fact that your weapon would be on your hip or at the small of your back. I admit, I overreacted a few times. If I know where you’re carrying it, I won’t be surprised. And I was wrong to ask you not to bring it into my house. I know you’d never let one of the kids get their hands on it. I promise I’ll handle it better.”
“Maybe,” he said. “It’s not just that, Donna. You know I work long hours and am deployed on missions five days out of seven most weeks, sometimes more. We’re on call and deploy with little notice sometimes. It’s not easy on the families.”
“I know,” she said.
“I don’t want to end up hurting you or the kids.”
“I trust you, Rich. I trust that you won’t hurt us. You’ve stayed in our lives by choice for over a year. You didn’t have to. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, and I can’t imagine you not in my life.”
Burke pressed a closed-mouth kiss to her lips. “You’re very special to me, too. I don’t want to fuck that up. It would break my heart if you ended up hating me.”
“I could never hate you, Rich.”
