Maybe I was hard on him.Sorry. I’m grouchy. For… reasons.
I quite understand. Tomorrow, though? I’m going to leave early. I’ll pick you up if you’re not feeling well enough to travel.
Is that care, or possession? Does Alex know the difference?
And it gives me one more day of freedom.
Sounds good.
I need to figure out how to not be here when he comes.
But where the hell can I go?
Wednesday morning, I’m up early, making coffee and hatching plans.
But where to even start? All I know is I’m going to run from Alex, and find a new life. Somewhere. Somehow.
Options are limited. I half-consider a flight abroad, but Alex has my passport, and I’m not going to his apartment. Obviously.
Money is a problem too, though I no longer care about spending the seed money I have left. That, plus Lucy’s payment, and the paycheck I got from investigating the daughter’s love interest. Not much to begin anew, and no one left to help me do it.
I can’t go to my brother; he’ll look there.
I’m not even sure it’s wise to take my car. It’s probably trackable. Maybe I’ll drive it out of state, then abandon it and switch to a Greyhound or something.
And then?
I really have no idea.
Maybe head to Austin. I remember hearing it’s the largest per-capita proportion of lawyers anywhere, but I don’t know if that’s still true. If it is, there must be work for an investigator.
Except shit, all my licenses are inmyname. That won’t work.
It’s only just gone seven, and I’ve got lots to figure out. I need to pack, I need to get on the road, but there’s no point leaving during rush hour. I may as well use the time to plan—as much as that’s a thing.
My throat tightens before I've even opened the first suitcase. My eyes are burning before I've filled it. Everything I own is in the same three cases I took when I left Westchester, almost a month ago to the day — and it doesn't take long, because there isn't much. I'm tempted to swing past Westchester, strip it of everything sellable. But the risk of running into Alex, while small, is just too high.
I have to leave him, I know that.
I have to leave before the world he’s in drags me deeper into it. Before he gets bored of me again, and I become Amelia—or worse, Juliette. Before he knows I’m going, and his rage turns murderous.
The tears come then. I’m in fear of what he’ll do tome, and I know I have been for far too long. Ever since Fournier’s study. No… even before then.
It doesn’t help that I still love him. I know I always will. But it helps that he doesn’t love me.
The problem there is that I don’t think he’s capable of it. And thatisa problem, because he comes ever so damn close for someone who can’t, like he’s really trying to, and the failure isn’t for lack of effort.
It almost makes me want to believe in him.
But I tried that, and look where it got me.
By the time Carol comes out, dressed for work, I’m done and ready, my face washed and my bags packed. She still knows I’ve been crying, but she doesn’t say anything. My last link to my past life, and I’m abandoning her, too.
“You’ll let me know when you’re settled?”
“Sure.”
“But notwhere,right?” She winces, face taut. “We both know Alex will get it from me if you do.”
