“What happened?”
I look at the wall above the TV and shake my head at my younger self. “I came in hot, armed with the vocabulary of someone who’s trying to get a good grade in therapy, and I honestly expected Jodi to be grateful for the apology.” I feel the vibrations of Marissa’s muffled laughter in the couch cushions. “Yeah. She not only cursed me out, but she also listed all the ways in which I hadn’t even considered her feelings and opinions in our marriage. She even accused me of never having loved her.”
“Was she right?”
I almost want to deny it, to hide my ugliness from Marissa, or shield her from the worst of it. “She was. About all of it, in hindsight. Getting married was on my life checklist. Get a job, date a nice girl, marry her, and buy a house together before trying for your first kid.”
We pretend to watch the movie again, but Ice Cube yelling about Korean Jesus makes no sense unless you've been following the plot.
“Why didn’t you get married again?” Marissa asks. “You said it’s been 10 years.”
“For most of those years, I wouldn’t have been a good husband. Besides, I was waiting to meet my wife.”
Marissa’s hand, carrying exactly three potato chips towards her mouth, briefly stops, suspended in the air, before its owner urges it to continue. I rub my moist palms against my thighs and return my leg to its initial position. I reach out for the bowl of chips.
“And now you think you’d be a good one,” she teases as she hands it over.
“I would,” I say as I unflinchingly meet her gaze. I let her see the honesty and determination in my eyes. “I’m ready to love, protect, prioritize, and spoil my wife.”
Marissa looks away, untangles her legs, and sits up. I fear that the spell between us is suddenly broken.
“Have you known many such husbands?” The disbelief in her voice breaks my heart.
“A few. Prez. My grandfather on my mom’s side.”
“Not your father?”
“My parents were two people living parallel lives under one roof. I don’t know if that was because of what happened to Mandy or if they’ve always been like that.”
“Wow,” Marissa says after glancing at the clock. “I can’t believe it’s nine PM already. What do you think DJ’s doing now?”
“Sleeping.”
She smiles. “You think?”
“I hope,” I smile back.
“Thank you for distracting me.”
“I also have a plan for tomorrow, if you’re game. A hike in the Superstition Mountains.”
Marissa frowns. “Aren’t you going to the Grand Canyon ride?”
“Eh, I’ve seen the Ditch many times. I’ll send Hammer in my stead. He needs time to think anyway.”
“You never told me what happened?”
I tell her how radiant and happy Lucy was, celebrating her win in the bikini contest, when she was approached by a frowning, angry Hammer who scathingly reminded her she was a mother and that it wasn’t appropriate for her to expose herself to all these bikers like that.
They argued, and when Hammer shouted that she was pathetic for making a fool out of herself to get his attention, after he’d made it very clear that he didn’t want her, nor would he ever want her, Lucy just clamped her mouth shut and walked away.
“Although he seemed to regret his outburst, I’d be surprised if Lucy ever looks at him again,” I conclude.
“That’s depressing.”
“That’s why I didn’t tell you earlier,” I say with a wink. “So, about the hike?”
I see the exact moment when Marissa stops talking herself out of it.
