Hey Hawk,
I hope you’re doing well. Did you find any new hobbies to pass the time? I need all the tips I can get, since I’m now officially unemployed and have a lot of time on my hands.
Turns out, there’s only so many sick days your employer is willing to give you and they don’t care that your hair is falling out in big clumps from the stress you feel whenever you think about leaving your house :/
So here we are.
But it’s fine. The fridge is full, DJ has gotten a lot of clothes for Xmas so he’s set for the next two sizes, and the pantry is overflowing with formula cans (looks like Dylan thought I was never coming back. He must have loved the idea, ha!) so that’s gonna last us a while, and I have some money in the bank to tide us over while I look into jobs I can do from home.
Or until I snap out of whatever this is.
In an ideal world, I’d be unpacking all of this with a shrink, but in the real world, I can’t afford the copay, so I watch every episode of Oprah and the Steve Harvey Show that comes on and call it therapy instead. :D
All my “progress” is undone whenever Slim comes over. I try to hand DJ to him and leave to do my own thing, but he drags me into these arguments, like last time he felt the need to accuse me of doing “the same boring shit every day” when we were together. Completely and utterly unprovoked, I might add.
I broke my back setting up that routine for our family to thrive! I asked him what the fuck he thought life with a baby was gonna be like?
I hate that he got to me. I cried for 30 minutes after he left. Okay, so I wasn’t interesting enough for you, and you found someone who is - why are you coming around to insult me even more?
Why have I procreated with this man? Now I have to see him for the next 18 years.
Hope this email didn’t drag you down. Maybe I should start keeping a journal, but I feel like I can tell you things. Probably because you feel so removed from my daily life, I don’t know.
Sorry
M
From: Randy Hawkins
To: Marissa Johnson
Date: 07:00 PM, January 20, 2011
Subject: RE: Hobbies
Dear Marissa,
You’re probably putting DJ to bed as I type this email. I wonder whether you’re feeling better.
BTW, Squid told me that DJ was a very cute baby, and he has two kids, you know, so he’s an expert on these things.
The part of me that wants to fix the world is struggling while reading your emails, but at the same time, I’m honoured that you feel like you can share this part of yourself with me.
And I don’t think it’s because I’m removed from your daily life. Quite the opposite.
I feel like fate has bonded us through something very traumatic, so we’ve been able to cut through all the superficial bullshit right away, and all that's left is radical honesty.
I've met you as the woman who pushed through pain and discomfort when we were in that room, so I know you can do it, but I want to let you know you don’t have to do it alone.
The club (our club, that you and I are both part of, I feel like you haven’t internalized this yet) can give you whatever job you want AND a place to live, just say the word.
I’m trying very hard to respect your timeline and not to push. You have no idea. But think about it.
As for advice on ways to spend the time… Reading your emails and thinking about my replies sure helps. Arts and crafts, puzzles. A good crime mystery novel.
I like movies in which there’s a huge conflict between good and evil, and the good side wins, and it’s all so perfect and clear-cut, you know.
Not that any of it helps too much.
