If Dylan (DJ's dad) doesn't like it, he can look me in the eye and throw me out himself. Although he seems happy with the way things are. He’s living at the clubhouse and comes over every few days to see DJ, and that’s fine. Doesn’t mean I have to enjoy his company, though.
The thought of going back to work (I was able to use some sick days for the time being, we’ll see about later) gives me stomach cramps. DJ and I mostly cuddle and stay in these days, since my mind keeps taunting me, “You left DJ overnight once and look what happened.”
Wow. I bet you’re gonna be glad to receive this email. NOT.
Ugh. Sorry. I’ve been alone with DJ a lot so I’m glad to be sort of talking to another adult.
All in all, I hope you’re doing well, Randy. If you’re ever bored during recovery, feel free to email me. Take care.
Wishing you the best,
Marissa
From: Randy Hawkins
To: Marissa Johnson
Date: 03:05 PM, January 15, 2011
Subject: RE: Checking in
Dear Marissa,
I’ve been dying to know how you and DJ were doing. I wanted to come see you guys, but my friends convinced me it was better to give you space to process everything and heal so we reached the compromise (I can’t drive because of the cast, so it wasn't a fair fight) of giving you the choice to reach out if you felt inclined to do so.
Let me also use this opportunity to thank you (sort of in person?) for providing the information that helped my club locate and rescue me. Both Squid and Uncle were very impressed by your calmness under pressure and your recall. You saved my life, Marissa.
Squid told you I wanted to hear from you, and you weren’t sure he was being honest? Why would he lie about that? Do you always overthink things this much? You were my comrade in the trenches. Why wouldn’t I want to hear from you?
What you’re describing with regards to the fear and anxiety you feel around leaving the house sounds like PTSD. After the imminent danger is over, our body starts releasing all the cortisol and finally processes what happened because we don’t have the luxury to feel while survival mode is on. I learned a lot about emotional aftershocks during my time as a cop.
You might benefit from talking to a mental health professional about it. I can give you some names if you wish.
I’m glad Mushroom and Shiner are making you feel safe. There’s no need to thank me for that. You’re club now, you’re one of us, and don’t ever think you’re imposing or being a burden if you need help of any kind. The offer of a place to stay still stands, BTW, along with anything else you might need.
Now, on to my recovery. To put it mildly, I don’t enjoy being physically limited. They put my leg in a cast even though it’s a mild fracture, and on account of my ribs, they’re forcing me to rest until I can start PT and rehab next month when the cast is (hopefully) off.
So there’s nothing to do but read, watch TV, and check my email. Therefore, I’m looking forward to more email updates about your daily life!
Take care,
Hawk
P.S. I don’t think I’m “mean-looking”.
P.P.S. It’s funny how we’re both birds. A hawk and a jay.
From: Marissa Johnson
To: Randy Hawkins
Date: 02:05 AM, January 16, 2011
Subject: RE: RE: Checking in
Dear Comrade,
I do tend to overthink things, and I hate being a burden to people or asking things of them. I’ve always been this way. I don’t know whether that’s good or bad; it just is.
