After there were no more assets left and with most of the leadership in jail, the Wolves disbanded. The clubhouse was condemned, and some Russians bought Skinfinity. Last I heard, Angie was working there as a cleaner after she and Ryder moved in with her sister.
Then Mom sat me down one day and said that I had to go into therapy if I was going to continue living with her, and that changed everything. I managed to pull through for my boy.
I still go once a month, and I respect Dr. Jackson a lot. I even consider her a friend. I don’t think I’ve ever had a female friend before.
Soon after I started therapy, Hawk got me a job with the Desert Snakes. They owed him for something, I guess. I ride with them now.
I notice Marissa wince and lean her back against the door. “Do you need to sit down?”
“I’m okay. Standing is becoming increasingly difficult these days, and I still have about a month to go,” she says with the same joy she had on her face every time she’s been pregnant.
“Do you think you’ll have more after this one?” The question leaves my mouth before I can think better of it, but Marissa doesn’t act like I’m overstepping.
Instead, she seems to really think about it. “I don’t know. Three seems like the perfect number, and they’re spaced out so nicely. But who knows, maybe once this one’s feet start stinking, I’m going to start craving another little one,” she laughs.
Sometimes I feel like I’ve dreamt our entire relationship. Why else would I be so surprised by her humor or her insights? Is itpossible that she was a different woman while we were together, and is someone else now?
I talked to my shrink about that, and we concluded that, if I blamed Rebel for my behavior, I also had to credit Hawk for the change in Marissa. I didn’t like that.
Was I to blame for everything that went wrong? In one of our early sessions, Dr. Jackson told me that it was my job to answer that question. I asked what the fuck I was paying her for, and she reminded me that my mom was the one actually paying her.
I like to think that I’ve learned a lot since then.
As if conjured, Hawk comes outside with my boy, and we hear snippets of their conversation, “Even if they’re delicious, I still wouldn’t eat them.”
DJ looks dejected. “Daddy, do you agree with Pop that we shouldn’t eat boogers?”
My eyes widen, and Marissa buries her face in Hawk’s chest to hide her laughter. “Yeah, buddy… No booger sandwiches, please.”
Seeing my boy in his Chasers cut no longer wounds me. I'm glad he has these good men and women to emulate and look up to.
“Where’s Mandy?” Marissa asks her husband.
I wonder whether Mandy still sleeps in the bed with them.
“Napping,” Hawk says, rubbing her lower back.
The relief on her face is immediate, and she leans into his touch. I used to do that too when she was pregnant with DJ, though not as often as I should have.
I should have done it every day, taken videos of it, and exerted concentrated mental effort to cement and fossilize those moments in my mind so that I could look back on themwhenever I wanted. The fool I am, I didn’t feel their weight while I was living them.
Hawk seems like the type of man who knows the worth of things.
“Your brother has the hiccups,” Marissa tells DJ with a big smile, and he rushes over to feel it.
Marissa hugs him tightly before we leave. “Call me every night, okay?”
“Gee, Riss, it’s a week, he’s not going off to war,” I tell her, but there’s no bite to it.
Hawk laughs.
“I think she’ll break her own record of how many patches she can make in a week.” He’s beaming with pride as he says it.
I touch the pocket of my cut. The Desert Snakes get all their patches done by Marissa. She has built quite a name for herself over the last few years and has become the go-to person for custom embroidery in the Southwest.
I didn’t tell my new club about my connection to Raven. I didn’t feel like explaining how I fumbled that. I did place an order through the club to support her business, though. A little fish hook that I had sewn on the inside of my cut, right over my heart.
Dr. Jackson tried to make the gesture into something it wasn’t and even accused me of being dishonest with her. For a moment, I was overcome by this irrational fear that she had found out about Rebel.
