She met his gaze, squarely.“If I wasn’t such… an anomaly, Sigma wouldn’t want me.My father would still be alive, Hilary would still be alive, Headquarters would still be standing and all those people would still be alive.And Sigma would never have caught you.I’m sorry.”Her mouth turned down at the corners, a bitter but beautiful expression like a knife between his ribs.
Del’s hand blurred out and tore the comb out of her fingers.“Stop it.Stopit.”The words tore, deep and husky, in his chest.The comb bounced on the carpet, and she flinched; that small, fearful movement physically hurt him.
Christ.Good one, Del.Now she’s just as scared of you as everyone else.But the rage boiling in his veins, the utterinjusticethat she would feel responsible for the fucking jackals of Sigma, demanded hedosomething.Get up and pace, throw something, put his fist through the wall, find someone to fight.
Her eyes were luminous, and full of tears.“Justin,” she whispered, her lips shaping the name of a dead man.
A dead man she’d resurrected.It had beenDelgadofor as long as he could remember, until she’d shown up.
His hands shook.He reached out carefully, control clamped tight, and touched her cheek, cupped her chin in his hand.His calluses scraped against her soft skin.
Christ, be careful.She deserves someone who can be gentle with her.Give her something, Del.Use that psychological pressure you’re so good at and help her.
“Being a psion isn’t a crime, Ro.”He had to clear his throat before forcing the words through the fury constricting his windpipe.“You were born with a gift.You used it to help people.Then Sigma came in with guns blazing because they think of you as a commodity.Athing.It’s not your fault.Goddammit, you’re the only good thing that’s ever happened to me in my entire goddamn life.Don’t do this to yourself.”
Well, not the most eloquent speech in the world.Why can’t Italkto her?He wanted to tell her so much more.That she wasgood, far better than he would ever be.The only thing that had kept him sane in the hell that was Sigma was the memory of the empty room she’d made in him.Space to breathe in, maybe, or just a part of what he felt for her that he couldn’t bring himself to forget.He wanted to tell her what it felt like to see her and ache all the way to the bottom of his chest, a sharp pain rendered somehow sweet because even if she could never love a damaged ex-Sigma killer, he would still hang around her, breathing in the same air she breathed, and that was enough.
He wanted to say he loved her, but he buried the thought almost as quickly as it rose.
One of her threatening tears spilled, left a trail of dampness on her cheek.“You might be right,” she whispered, soft skin moving against his fingertips.“But I still feel responsible.”
“Don’t,” he whispered back.“Please.”Then he was leaning in, and knew he was going to kiss her.He couldn’t have stopped it any more than he could stop a bullet once the trigger’s squeezed.
Their mouths met.She shook with silent weeping as he kissed her slowly, taking his time, fingers sliding through the tangled silk of her hair.He was ready to push her back onto the bed and try to get through her clothes to find bare skin, get closer and closer to her.
He settled for tasting her, and barely letting her breathe before he kissed her again.Slowly, slowly, the barriers melted, his mind sliding into hers, giving comfort, taking solace.When her mouth slid away, he kissed her cheek, her forehead, and the corner of her tear-wet eye, tasting salt.He printed another gentle kiss on her cheek before she leaned into him, pushing him over.He ended up lying across the bed with Rowan in his arms, her head on his shoulder and his arms safely around her.
He felt her heartbeat and cherished the small, uneven sigh as she sank even further into him, the borders of their minds blurring.
“God,” she whispered.“I missed you.”
“Henderson told me he had to tie you down to keep you from running off to rescue me.”The grin felt so easy and natural he almost doubted he was smiling.“I’d’ve killed him.”
“I couldn’t leave them when they needed me so badly, but I wanted to.Iwantedto.”The black weight of guilt and grief pouring out of her eased slightly as he hugged her and dipped his chin to kiss her hair.“Every day I wondered if they’d killed you, or if they were torturing you, what they were doing to you.I could tell you weren’t dead, but I wondered if I was fooling myself, or if…”
Goddamn.If I’d known… there was nothing I could have done.Nothing she could have done either.“Shhh.It’s all right.You did what you should have.”He stroked her shoulder, her hair.“Just exactly what you should have.”
“I want them to pay,” she whispered.“Sigma.I want them to pay for what they’ve done so that I can get on with my life.”
Oh, Christ.But he didn’t say anything.She needed a sounding board more than anything else, right now.The guilt had only intensified her determination, but it was still a raw, aching wound.She’d been putting herself through hell, and she was probably so contained and professional nobody else had noticed.God knew the entire crew had enough to worry about with simple survival.
It wasn’t like when she’d first arrived and her numb misery had seeped all through Headquarters, making life difficult for everyone.Now she was fully trained, and adept at putting on a brave face.
And he’d been far away while she learned how to fool everyone.
Rowan shivered, a small movement he felt in his own body.He was catching far more of her mood and her private thoughts than she knew.The bond was deeper than he’d imagined—or hoped.
She was contemplating something dangerous.Something was coalescing inside her pretty head, a constellation turning into a plan.
“I want them to pay,” she repeated.“They have to be held accountable.They kill and hurt people and ruin lives, and what they’re doing iswrong.I have to do something about it.”
“We are doing something,” he reminded her.“We’re Society operatives.You’ve caused them a fair bit of damage in the last few months, angel, just by keeping the Society up and running.They’re like dogs chasing their own tails.Sooner or later they’re going to fall.They can’t help it.”
And they can force their operatives all they want, brainwipe ’em, hook ’em on Zed—but it doesn’t stop some from wanting to escape.It didn’t stopmefrom escaping.Twice, now.His arms tightened.
“But why don’t we ever goafterthem?At the top?Who’s in charge of the whole thing?”
He sighed.Distract her with something, Del.“Probably the President.But if you want to know who’s in control of the program, it’s Anton.”The name sent a slight frisson up his back; he heard the Colonel’s rattling voice again.You’ve been a very naughty boy, Agent Breaker.“They call him the Colonel, but I don’t think he ever was one.He’s got this thing for white linen suits.”And caning.Plus electroshock.
