Are you drunk?
Becks
Drunk on love!
And then a thought hits me. Are we being horrifically insensitive to Laura who has, more or less, decided that she wants to break up with Aidan? Here I am singing to the heavens about love and her marriage is collapsing. She has filled me in on her decision in whispered conversations in hospital corridors and in these WhatsApp summits with Niamh. It’s possible I am an absolute dick right now.
Becks
Oh God, Laura. I’m so sorry. I’ve just realised I’m being an absolute insensitive cow. Waffling on about love. How are you? How is Robyn?
Niamh
Shit! Sorry Laurs. We are officially dicks sometimes.
Laura
Well that’s true, but it’s better than being a knob.
I have a feeling I’m missing some sort of in-joke here but as three dots on the screen indicate that Laura is typing again I hang fire, waiting to see what she is going to write.
Laura
You’re not being insensitive. It’s okay to be happy about something good happening. Especially after this week. And I’m okay. Robyn’s okay too. We’ve had a chat. She understands. Now I just need to talk to Aidan. But I’m fine. Actually, I’m better than fine. I’m terrified… but at the same time I know it’s going to be okay and I need to be true to who I am.
I feel so incredibly, unspeakably proud of her in this moment. This is a far cry from the uncertain woman of last week and all she had to do was own her own happiness – and treat herself with the kindness and wisdom she so easily hands out to others.
I tell her I really,reallylove her too and all three of us agree we are absolutely class human beings and when I finally unlock the door to go back to my mother and Conal, I am smiling.
I didn’t expect to see Conal waiting outside the loo for me. I wonder how long he has been there. ‘You’re happy?’ he asks, confusion written across his face.
‘I am,’ I say, allowing him to pull me into a hug. ‘I mean, obviously I’m worried about Mum, but I am happy. Happier than I’ve been in a long time. Maybe even happier than I’ve ever been.’
I look up at him and place one hand on his cheek, turning his head towards mine. ‘That’s largely because of you, you know.’
‘Ah, nonsense,’ he says. ‘It’s because you’ve done what you set out to do a year ago. You’ve taken control. You’ve chased yourdreams. You and those two eejits you hang about with have gone off on your adventures together – your retreats and your classes and your choir thingy – and it has made you happier. As has Clara and?—’
‘And you!’ I interject. ‘I want you to know that. I don’t know what our future is going to look like yet, but I do know I want you in my life. By my side. I like what we have and when I think of you, of us, it makes the tougher things easier.’
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ he says. ‘And we’ll make it work. Because I want you in my life too. And you make me happy as well. You know that, don’t you?’
‘I do. I really do,’ I tell him.
‘Good,’ he says with a smile that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside, and also, if I’m being honest, a bit turned on. What kind of a slattern am I to get a dose of the horn in the stroke ward? Maybe this is another thing I can blame the menopause hormones for. I tilt my head towards his once again.
‘Conal. When we finish here today, would it be okay if I went back to yours for a bit? Just a couple of hours maybe. Just some time to ourselves.’ I raise an eyebrow in an attempt at international sign language for ‘let’s do very dirty but fun things to each other’.
He gets the hint and raises his eyebrow in international sign language for ‘don’t threaten me with a good time’ before pulling me into a tight hug and kissing the top of my head. ‘I thought you’d never ask,’ he says. ‘I’d like nothing more.’
41
‘BE HAPPY’
Laura
Laura is nervous. She is a bit scared and yes, she is also a bit emotional. This is quite a momentous decision after all. It will change everything. All the security she has known and come to cherish. It might change where she lives – how she lives. She will have to get used to a life without the man she really, truly thought she would spend the rest of her life with.
When Laura and Aidan got married, she had done so with the same blind optimism that most brides carry with them up the aisle. She was sure that they would not become one of those couples who just stopped connecting along the way. There was no part of her that couldn’t imagine not being in love with Aidan O’Kane as much as, if not more than, she was that day.
