I immediately feel guilty and offer an apology to Daniel, who is lying at my feet looking up at me with confusion written all over his face.
‘I’m not saying that, Rebecca. You need to listen instead of running away with your own thoughts. What I’m saying is that Mum has planned for this. She has very clear ideas of what she wanted to happen in the event she took ill.’
No, I think. She would’ve told me. She would’ve discussed it with me. I’d have been at the heart of her decision making. She would not have been having secret chats with bloody Ruairi.
I shake my head.
‘And don’t be taking the fact she talked to me personally. I’m a solicitor. I have her Power of Attorney. I’m not as… as… emotional as you.’
I stiffen. ‘Well excuse me for having a heart!’
‘I don’t mean that in a bad way. Mum wanted to be rational, and she knows you would turn yourself inside out and upsidedown to do what you felt was right even if it did put extra pressure on you. She thinks you’ve had enough pressure on you.’
‘Surely that’s for me to decide,’ I storm.
‘You’d think, dear sister, but no,’ Ruairi says, setting his spoon down. ‘Because you are stubborn as a mule, but you didn’t factor in Mum’s stubbornness. She was very, very determined about it.’
‘Yes but that was before. She might be feeling more vulnerable now. She might be scared.’ My voice cracks.
‘Our mum doesn’t get scared,’ Ruairi says, confidently.
How can someone so smart be so utterly stupid?
35
NOTIONS
Laura
With her lectures done for the day, and her brain buzzing with the new world that is opening up to her, Laura is very much looking forward to getting back to her hotel room. She stops in Marks and Spencer in the Foyleside Centre and picks up some lovely new pyjamas and undies. She adds some luxury smellies to her basket, and even stops in the food hall to grab some picky bits. And a box of chocolates, of course.
Her plan is to have a long, luxurious soak in the hotel before curling up with a good book, or a trashy TV show, and absolutely not worrying one tiny bit about housework.
She even manages to meet with Robyn at Costa for a hot chocolate and a chat. Needless to say, her daughter is not overly impressed, or apparently all that concerned, about her mother’s late-night flit.
‘Mum! I totally could’ve got a detention. Dad wrote me a note to get me out of PE but still… I can’t believe you left me with no clean kit! I put it by the washing machine and everything.’ Robyn huffs and puffs, blowing her dark fringe from her face, her darkly lined eyes staring directly at Laura.
‘Where did you go anyway? Let me guess… you went to Becca’s? Dad says it’s your hormones and you’re just having a menty b. He says we need to cut you some slack. That a night drinking wine with the girls will sort you out.’ Robyn sips from the matcha she has just had her mother pay for. She doesn’t look overly distressed, and Laura imagines that is because Aidan has played up the whole ‘Mum’s just a bit crazy’ rhetoric and neither of them actually believe she is serious about her strike. Neither of them fully understands what is driving her mad. She can just about excuse Robyn for that. She is a teenager and teenagers are, by their very nature, selfish to the core. Her darling daughter will learn in time that women tend to get the very shitty end of the stick in life. It’s a canon event. Laura just has to let it happen.
‘Dad said I have to do a little more around the house,’ Robyn says with the same amount of enthusiasm she would show if Laura told her Niamh was coming over to do some extra science tutoring.
‘Well, you do have to do more around the house,’ Laura says calmly. ‘And your dad does too. You are almost an adult. Dad is an adult. That means there are three of us and the household tasks should be shared three ways.’
‘I’m not an adult yet,’ Robyn protests.
‘So you want me to stop allowing you to go to the pub with your friends at the weekend, then? Since you’re not an adult?’
‘I didn’t say that!’ If Robyn could stomp her feet, she would. ‘I’m just saying these are supposed to be the best years of my life. I shouldn’t have to worry about housework and the like.’
‘If your granny could hear you now,’ Laura says with a snort. ‘Your uncle Conal and I were doing housework from our primary school days. We all chipped in. It wasn’t some bigpunishment to have a clean house and clean clothes on our backs. It was just a family all chipping in equally.’
Robyn rolls her eyes. She has heard this speech before. Many times. Aidan even calls it Laura’s ‘woe is me’ speech.
Laura knows her daughter is not a bad person. She’s not a bad daughter. Laura knows she has to take some accountability for this. She has very much made a rod for her own back by spoiling both Aidan and Robyn over the years. She loved doing things for them. Caring for her family. Keeping home. Even when she was extra tired, or extra stressed with work. But she has been asking them for months now, or years in Aidan’s case, to step up, and neither of them has. If anything, Aidan has doubled down in his determination to avoid housework as much as possible. Or maybe it’s that Laura has finally woken up to how little he really helps, but more so how little he appreciates what she does. How little he appreciates her. She’s not sure he even sees her any more. She’d heard, of course, of women becoming invisible as they age but she never thought her husband would be one of those unable to see her.
‘Mum, Dad says we can get an Indian for dinner tonight and we can all sit down and talk about this together.’
Laura sits back in her seat. How many more times is she going to let Aidan disregard her feelings? She knows what he means when he says we can ‘all talk about this together’. He will give her space to say her piece. He’s not that much of an eejit. But it won’t change anything. He’ll congratulate himself on being a good husband and listening, but he won’t actually hear what she is saying. He won’t change.
