‘Oh, you don’t need to be able to sing. Trust me. You just need to be enthusiastic. Why don’t you come next week? Sure it can’t hurt to give it a try. If you don’t like it then there’s nothing to lose.’
‘You know what, I just might,’ Abby says, grinning. ‘Laura, I don’t mean for this to sound weird, but you’re really cool. I hope you know that.’
Laura thinks about the fact that she really doesn’t know that. Or didn’t. But is starting to believe that she just might be but in her own weird way. A way that dances to Carole King, and is obsessed with learning about Irish goddesses and menopause rituals across the world. A way that can make friends with older women, or younger women. A way that occasionally gets her into trouble for lurking outside her former home. A way that is forgiving, and loving, but is no longer willing to let people mistake those qualities for weakness.
She smiles back at Abby and tells her she thinks she is pretty cool too.
33
HE’S A DOG!
Becca
‘You should really think about going home and getting some sleep,’ a lovely nurse with rosy cheeks and a truly impressive bosom says. ‘It’s likely your mum will sleep a lot today, and you have all been here all night. You’re running on fumes and let me tell you this, you’re going to need more than fumes to be a good support to her.’
I’m holding my mother’s hand gently in mine, acutely aware of the canula in her hand and the vivid blue and purple of a bruise blossoming from it like an ink stain on her skin. She feels so very fragile and I can’t imagine letting go, let alone leaving the room.
‘I really think I’d prefer to stay,’ I say. ‘I want to be here when she wakes up. I don’t want her to be scared or think she’s alone.’
‘She knows you are here and we will be watching out for her,’ the nurse says. ‘Looking after yourselves is going to be just as important as looking after your mum, but I understand. It’s been a huge scare for you all.’
‘Becca, maybe you really should think about going and grabbing an hour or two of sleep?’ Conal chimes in. ‘If you want, I’ll stay with your mum. Then when you come back, I’ll go and bring Daniel to my house and he can hang out with Lazlo for as long as you need.’
‘You do look like shit, Mum,’ Adam says.
‘Thanks son,’ I say, sticking my tongue out at him, even though he is right. I caught my reflection in the mirror of the bathroom outside the Room of Doom and I almost scared myself. And that was absolutely hours ago.
‘You know what I mean!’ Adam says. ‘I’ll stay with Conal. You and Uncle Ruairi go and grab a couple of hours. Daniel will be losing his mind by now, or peeing all over the place. Or worse. We’ll swap it out later.’
The nurse looks confused at the mention of an incontinent housemate called Daniel. I’m too tired to tell her he’s a dog and while his pooing and peeing is not at all ideal, it’s not quite as worrying as if we had an elderly relative just dropping his trousers all over the house.
Even though I am so tired I could cry, I still say, ‘I don’t know,’ unable to imagine leaving my mother for a minute. The thought of leaving her side makes me feel queasy. So much so that I have been absolutely busting for a pee for the last two hours but I have refused to budge.
What’s a little UTI between mother and daughter?
‘Mum,’ he says. ‘I love you and I don’t want you to end up in a hospital bed beside Granny, so please. I’ll be fine here with Conal. You heard Lizzy, Granny is likely to sleep the day away anyway.’
It takes my tired brain a moment or two to work out that Lizzy must be the friendly nurse with the big bosom. A bosomthat reminds me of the soft pillows waiting for me at home. Maybe I really do need to sleep more than I think I do.
‘Okay,’ I say. ‘But you two have to promise me that you will absolutely call me if she needs me and I’ll be back here in twenty minutes.’
They nod but I want to make sure they know how very serious I am. That I do not want to miss anything. That I need to be able to trust them.
‘I mean it,’ I say, looking at Conal, the responsible-est adult in the room.
‘I promise you, Becca,’ Conal says, ‘I’ll come and get you if I have to. We’ve got this – Adam and me. Don’t worry.’ He places his hand, warm and gentle, over mine and I finally feel able to let go of my mother. I stand up and Adam takes my seat, his hand immediately covering my mother’s.
‘Come on, sis,’ Ruairi says. ‘Let’s get some rest. Do you mind if I crash at yours?’
‘As long as you don’t mind Daniel body slamming you as soon as we get in the door.’
‘I’d expect no less,’ he says with a small smile.
‘Daniel’s a dog,’ Adam says, cutting in, and I see the relief on Lizzy’s face.
‘Thank goodness. I was about to flag a safeguarding issue.’ She smiles and I know it’s a cliché and said much too often but I really can’t help but feel that she, and the other nurses who have been quietly coming in, taking observations and checking on us, are all angels. Overworked and underpaid angels, but angels all the same.
As we go to leave, I tell Ruairi I want to check on Mrs Bishop on the way home. ‘She must be worried sick,’ I say.
