‘It’s only an hour and a bit in the car these days,’ Jodie reassures her from the back seat. ‘If I need you, Mum, or if you need me, it’ll only take an hour. Sure, that’s nothing. Or we can meet halfway. Get a cheekyKFCat the Castledawson roundabout.’
‘I’d love aKFC,’ Adam says. ‘Mum, can we stop on the way up and get aKFC?’
‘Tower burger!’ Jodie says in a deep voice.
‘Chicken gravy,’ Adam growls, and they laugh.
I glance to Niamh.
‘I could go a chicken fillet burger,’ she says. ‘And fries.’
‘And chicken popcorn,’ I add.
‘Yes! And the gravy!’ Niamh says.
‘Chicken gravy!’ Adam growls again in the same low voice, and he and Jodie laugh again. Presumably this is some sort of joke between them, but I laugh too even though I don’t get it – simply because it is just so lovely to hear them laugh together.
An hour and a half later, stomachs full, we arrive at the airport and I help get Adam’s bags out of the boot. This is the bit I really hate. The big hug and the watching him walk away. It reminds me that such a big stage of our relationship is over now. That he is an adult living his life and I’m now an anchor point, instead of the whole ocean. Which, of course, is how it should be. But it still has the ability to make my heart ache.
Today I’m not even the last person to hug him before he goes. That is, of course, Jodie. I have told him I love him, and while I might be a little more than ‘just an hour’ away, I am always, always on hand if he needs me and he only has to say the words.
‘Stop fussing, Mum,’ he said as I hugged him more tightly than usual. ‘I’m okay. It’s all good. And Saul will keep me right. Thanks for everything. You’ve been brilliant.’
I squeaked a barely audible response, desperately wanting to hold on to him tighter for just a little more but knowing that he needed the time to say goodbye to Jodie more.
Niamh and I are now standing watching them hug. We don’t speak. We simply link arms. We don’t need to say anything. We both know what the other is thinking and feeling. It’s a whole set of emotions we need to keep a lid on for now, and until Jodie is dropped off too. Then we can cry/sing the whole way back down the road. I’ve even put together a playlist for the occasion. We’ll start with ‘I Can Do It With a Broken Heart’ from Taylor Swift, segue into some Florence and the Machine, Gwen Stefani, Spice Girls and many more until we circle back to Tay-Tay and ‘Shake It Off’. If that doesn’t sort us out, nothing will.
Jodie is remarkably stoic when she turns to walk back to us. Adam gives one last wave – an equally stoic expression on his face – and walks through the doors into the airport. For once I am at a complete loss for words, so I just get into the car and allow Niamh the chance to hug her little girl before they join me.
I’m grateful for the minute of solitude where I can tell myself in my sternest voice that I will not cry. That I can go and visit Adam and Saul at a moment’s notice. That he will be back in a few months and he’ll be close to home then and it won’t be long until there is a mini version of him to occupy my time.
The car doors open and both Niamh and Jodie climb in. I feel Jodie’s hand on my shoulder, giving me a little squeeze. ‘He said to say he loves you, and he’ll make sure Saul doesn’t wreck the place,’ she says, and I nod because my determination to stay dry eyed is being sorely tested.
‘He’s brilliant,’ she says – all twenty-years-old of her. ‘I love him, Becca. I think you should know that.’
‘He loves you too,’ I say, losing the battle.
‘And I love you all,’ Niamh says. ‘Let’s face it, we’re all pretty damn amazing.’
44
TIKTOK FAMOUS
Niamh
Niamh feels remarkably calm. It could be the increasedHRTdose, or the anti-anxiety medication, but she is surprised that she does not feel like throwing up as she helps Jodie put some new finishing touches to her digs.
Yes, she may have gone overboard – insisting Becca take them for a quick run to Ikea to stock up on new bedding, lights, cushions and a rug – but she wanted to make Jodie’s room as cosy as possible.
By the time everything is unpacked, set up and the rubbish folded and put in the recycling, the room looks great and Jodie looks delighted with it.
Becca has left them to say their goodbyes and gone to wait in the car and Niamh is sitting beside her daughter on her bed, their backs against the wall, holding hands.
‘It’s nice, isn’t it?’ she says.
‘It really is. You didn’t have to do this, Mum. But I’m grateful that you did. I’m grateful for everything you’ve done, and Dad too, of course.’ Niamh gives three little squeezes to her daughter’s hand – their secret code for ‘I love you’ that has survived since childhood.
‘Sure, you’re our daughter. We’d do anything for you,’ she says.
