‘I’m his twin. I know him better than anyone. I know I’m right,’ Adam says as I lift my laptop and we start scrolling through flights.
40
FAMILY MEETING
Niamh – Three Days Later
The four Cassidy children are looking at their parents expectantly. Niamh looks around at each of them, taking in their features and their personalities. She marvels at just how different all four of them are. They all have a certain familiarity in their appearance, of course. The Cassidy high forehead is a curse they all have to carry, but when it comes to their personalities they are all unique to themselves. Jodie has always been fiercely independent and very much boss. That she had almost five years as the star of the Cassidy family show before the first of her siblings came along meant she developed an unshakeable belief in her own brilliance. Niamh hopes it never leaves her.
The boys may share the same poor hygiene standards and obsession with gaming, but Ethan has always been the more boisterous of the two. Verging on feral at times, if Niamh is honest, but hilarious enough to get away with it.
Cal is the more contemplative of the pair. A sensitive soul who thinks deeply about the world and everyone in it. He does his best to hide his occasional bouts of anxiety behind a mask of teenage rebellion but Niamh recognises herself in him only too much. She wants to pour all the love and resilience into his world so he can protect himself from those who would make it tougher – people like her Year 11s.
And Fiadh? Fiadh is the princess. Spoiled by everyone in the house, including her brothers. Every day Niamh thanks her stars that her daughter has turned into a loving and caring, if exceptionally nosy, child and not a carbon copy of Verruca Salt fromCharlie and the Chocolate Factory. Right now, it is Fiadh who is wriggling in her seat, clearly dying to know what has resulted in them all being called together in such a manner. These days, it’s rare that all six Cassidys congregate at the kitchen table at the same time. It’s usually a Christmas-dinner-only event these days.
‘What’s going on?’ Ethan asks. ‘I want to get back to my game.’
‘You spend enough time on that game that it won’t kill you to give it up now for a wee bit,’ Paul says, and while it is clear Ethan isn’t exactly enamoured with that reaction, he knows better than to start kicking off.
‘Are we going to Disneyland?’ Fiadh asks.
‘What?’ Cal says. ‘That’s for babies.’
‘No. It’s not. It’s for everyone,’ Fiadh says, defiantly. ‘Are we going, Mammy?’
‘No, love. Not at the moment, anyway,’ Niamh says.
It’s clearly now her youngest child’s turn to look dejected. ‘Can we get a puppy then?’
‘We’re not getting a puppy,’ Paul says. ‘But we do have some very important things to talk to you about.’
Niamh is so grateful that Paul is taking control because even though she feels so much better than she did even this morning, she still feels more than a little emotionally fragile.
Paul came with her when she went to see herGP. He offered to actually come into the consultation with her but she had said there was no need and she was happy just to know he was in the waiting area.
She had written down exactly what she wanted to say to the doctor. Over the course of several drafts, her message had changed from ‘I think I am losing my fucking mind’ to a list of symptoms and a description of how she felt her mental health was taking a battering. She was so glad to have done that because as soon as she saw the kindly face of herGPshe burst into tears and struggled to regain her composure. It was much, much easier to just hand over her neatly folded sheet of paper and let the doctor read it for herself.
When the doctor had looked up, her brow furrowed with sympathy and concern, Niamh had cried some more, but then as they started to pick through each symptom and discuss treatments and medications, as well as the availability of talking therapies, she had felt the weight start to lift from her shoulders. It might have been in tiny, pebble-sized chunks, but it was lifting all the same.
Life was starting to come into focus again. The doctor warned her it would be a long process, with a healthy amount of ups and downs, but it would be worth it.
‘There are lots of things we can try,’ the doctor said. ‘Don’t ever be afraid to come back and say that we’re not quite there yet. Menopause, and even depression – well, they aren’t exact sciences. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. So just because thisHRThas worked brilliantly for your friend, that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you because you don’t feel the same.’
Niamh could’ve kissed her. Like properly snogged her. She felt validated. Believed. Sane even. Apart from wanting to snog the doctor, that is.
By the time she had left the health centre and got back into the car with Paul she had in her hand a prescription forHRTgel and for some top-grade antidepressants, as well as a referral to a counsellor. She also had a Get Out of Jail Free card, otherwise known as an ‘Unfit to Work’ certificate that would give her some breathing space before she had to face Jayden, Ella et al. again.
But work and medication are the not the only things that have to change.
‘Right, kids,’ Paul says, ‘the thing is we have all been guilty – me included – of putting too much on your mum’s shoulders. You are all getting older now and you need to start acting your age.’
‘I’m only seven,’ Fiadh says, clearly sensing that extra housework responsibilities are incoming. ‘I’m only a little girl,’ she adds, batting her eyelashes.
‘That’s true, love,’ Paul says. ‘But even little girls can put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket and their dishes in the dishwasher.’
‘Ha! Burn!’ Ethan shouts, which Niamh thinks immediately was a very, very foolish move.
‘I’d not be mocking anyone if I were you,’ Paul says. ‘See that cesspit of horrors you two share? It’s getting gutted this weekend. Every manky discarded item of clothing, every empty crisp bag, every dirty cup and every alien life form… you guys will be picking it all up and bringing it all downstairs where you will learn how to use the washing machine, the dishwasher and how to put rubbish in the bin and not just sit it on top of it instead.’
