‘It wasn’t easy,’ I repeat with more confidence. ‘But it was better for us all.’ I smile apologetically at Adam. I don’t want him to think I’m taking Simon’s side, so before my ex-husband has the chance to plant a smug expression on his face I speak up again. ‘But that doesn’t mean it was easy. Especially not on our boys. Nor does it mean, Simon, that this situation is a colossal fuck-up. Or that Adam isn’t aware of the responsibility he and Jodie are taking on. They are smart young adults. Smarter in a lot of ways than we were when we started our family. And they have support around them. Me. Niamh. Saul. Whatever they need. Obviously, we’d like to include you – and Jessica and the kids, for that matter – in the equation, but if you can’t be a helpful part of it then we will manage well enough on our own. Still, we thought you had a right to know and we’ve fulfilled that responsibility. The next move is entirely up to you.’
Dear God, but I’m proud of myself, I think, as I finish my second Jerry Maguire–esque speech of the week. My voice has not even wavered and while I can’t say Simon looks wowed, he does at least look chastened.
‘Come on,’ I say to Adam. ‘Let’s go and leave your father to mull it over.’
The two of us leave Simon’s house in silence and it’s only when we reach the car that I dare breathe out.
‘Mum, that was so bloody cool!’ Adam says, grinning.
‘Mind your language, Adam,’ I find myself saying, and it’s as if I’m hearing my mother’s voice leave my own mouth. So I very quickly throw in a ‘but it was bloody cool, wasn’t it?’
15
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
Niamh
The following night, Niamh tries again to tell Paul of the weekend away with the girls. It feels easier this time – mostly because she had once again gone head to head with Jayden and Ella in their quest to be TikTok famous.
‘Miss! Miss! It’s a trend. If you do it with us, it will have a better chance of landing on people’sFYPs and going viral,’ Ella had said as she tried to thrust her phone under Niamh’s nose in much the same way Paul had done the night before.
Never in her entire life had Niamh felt the urge to tell a pupil to ‘fuck off’ as strongly as she did in that moment. Ella had invaded her personal space so much that the fumes from the half-bottle of Sol de Janeiro the teen had clearly doused herself in were making Niamh’s eyes water.
Jayden chimed in with, ‘C’mon, Miss! We’ll show you how to do it. You just lip sync and?—’
‘Enough!’ Niamh had shouted, hoping it would be enough to put the fear of God into her most unruly class.
As she was greeted with a chorus of ‘Ooooooooh!’ and giggles, along with some ham acting from Jayden as if he was shaking with fear, she had felt something in her snap. This could be it. This could be the day she gets her embarrassing nickname. This could be the day she cries in front of these children. It would be the day that everyone would talk about, never mind her almost twenty-five years in the classroom before it.
She took a deep breath to try and steady herself, knowing that if she backed down she would be done for.
‘I. Said.Enough!’ she repeated, and her voice had reached a new, higher volume. ‘This is a classroom. Not a playground. Ella – I’m confiscating your phone.’
Ella had opened her mouth to protest but one look at the fire in Niamh’s eyes shut her up. She handed her phone over and slunk back to her seat.
‘Sorry, Miss,’ she muttered.
Niamh eyeballed Jayden Murray, who had already sat back down. The boy raised his hands in a mock surrender gesture. ‘Sorry, Miss,’ he’d said.
‘Right!’ she had told them, glad to have the room back in her control. ‘Let me be very clear here. You lot have exams coming up. Important exams which will count towards your finalGCSEgrades. It’s my job to teach you so you get through the exam and do well in life. Maybe you don’t have the gumption to realise yet that it’s a bloody hard world out there and you are privileged to have access to a free education. Let me be very clear: it isnotmy job to learn dance routines, or lip sync, or watch videos all day. Some of us have higher ambitions than becoming TikTok famous. If you had half a brain in your head, you’d feel that way too. If you’re not prepared to learn, then you can get your lazy, disruptive arses out of my classroom now. You can go straight to the principal’s office where you can explain your decision. Otherwise, you sit down, you shut up and bloody well behave yourself!’
Silence fell across the classroom, but it had felt like a hollow victory. She had lost her cool. She had called her pupils lazy. She had used phrases she remembered only too well from Mrs Martin’s classroom back in the day. Threats and slights. It was not who she was as a teacher.
Yes, Year 11 had listened for the remaining fifteen minutes of the lesson. They had even filed out in silence after the bell rang – not even Hannah the class lick-arse stopping to say thank you – and Niamh had gone into her prep room and cried.
By the time she got home, she had come to realise that she needed the break away from it all. She needed it in the same way a person might need medicine, or food, or air even.
This has all put her in the right frame of mind to tell Paul, and not be distracted by any other conversation or end up as a sounding board for his woes. She reminds herself she is not asking for permission. She is telling him. Out of respect. And maybe out of a need to let him just how close to the edge she finds herself skating these days.
When they’ve had their dinner and their children have gone back to their rooms, save for Ethan, who is currently grumbling about it ‘not being fair’ that he has to load the dishwasher and wipe down the surfaces, she follows Paul into their living room and sits down close to him.
As he moves to lift theTVremote, she stills his hand with her own. ‘I need to tell you something,’ she says.
Immediately she sees the colour drain from his face and he gives an exaggerated sigh. ‘What now? Any more unexpected pregnancies? The boys have been arrested for arson? Fiadh has started smoking?’ This act is getting both tired and repetitive.
‘No. No. Nothing like that,’ she says. ‘I’m going away this weekend. With the girls. Becca got offered the chance to take us on a?—’
‘Hang on. You’re going away? Just like that? This weekend? With everything that’s going on?’
