“Sadie. Come here.”
I pace across the carpet again. “How can you be so okay with this?”
“Sadie.”
He levers off the couch and grabs hold of me, pulling me onto his knee and burying his head in my neck. He takes a long, shuddering breath. “Speaking of things not being okay,” he mumbles into my throat, “I’m mad that you didn’t respond to any of my messages. And now I find out you spoke to … goddamn … Des!”
“I left you a message before I talked to Des. I didn’t realize you didn’t have your phone. I only called Des because a text flashed across my screen all in caps that said ‘JAMES IS IN TROUBLE!’” I pull back, trying to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you back, James. I didn’t know how to apologize for all the mess I created.” I have something else to confess, too. “I also told Jane that you tried to jump off the roof of your old apartment building. I was so terrified and so angry at all her accusations, about how she’s treated you, that it just popped out.”
“Yeah, I know.”
He what?
He runs his big hands up my thighs. “I’m mad about that, too. But maybe not for the reason you think. I don’t care that she’s found out; it feels like ages ago, like I was a different person. But Jane’s been chasing me allday, wanting to apologize. I’m sorry she cornered you.” He chuckles. “My dad asked me what she was smoking after that meal. She was sometimes strange when we were together in the way she saw things and how she interpreted other people’s behavior, but I didn’t realize just how odd it was until it was aimed at me.” He tips his head back against the couch and blows out a long breath. “What a lucky escape I’ve had. If she’d said yes, we would have been planning our wedding now. Imagine finding this out after …” He lifts his head and fixes me with a sharp look. “But enough about Jane. You really thought you couldn’t talk to Des and me and we’d be reasonable?”
I chew my lip. What I think is that Williams Security is a very unusual business. “It’s terrifying being in a class when everything is moving too fast, James. You don’t understand what teachers are telling you. For years, I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t like everyone else. I thought I was stupid. My mom never did, but your parents are biased, right? In the end, her faith in me gave me the courage to study online. But people made fun of me at school. I tried to ask the teachers for help—some were kind, and some weren’t—but I fell further and further behind. I was in remedial classes. Other kids called me ‘Slow Sadie.’”
He takes his glasses off and rubs his eyes. “Christ, that sounds awful.”
“Software is very different for me. A set of patterns I can see moving down the page, like it’s dancing.”
He laughs. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard it described that way.”
His hands slide around and grip my hips, warm through my black pants. I can’t believe that I’m sitting on his knee and, somehow, he’s okay with all of this. There’s no sign of the cool distance I was expecting—just the opposite, actually.
“Why are you not mad? It’s not normal.”
He smiles, fingers tightening. “I think you don’t get how much I like you, Sadie. You and I have found something special and unexpected living together, and I don’t want to lose it.”
I face-plant into his shoulder, and he turns and kisses my temple.
“I’m so glad you’re all right,” he mutters against my skin. “I was imagining all sorts of things with Jake outside the office.” He wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer.
“Not as much as I was worried about you,” I say into his neck. “I can’t believe Cady and his goons jumped you.”
He sighs as I draw back to look at him. “They pushed me to the ground and grabbed my laptop and phone.”
I reach out and hover my thumb over the scrape on his face. “Did you clean this?”
He shakes his head. So, I climb off his knee and fetch some antiseptic, cotton gauze, and warm water.
His eyes are soft on me as I start dabbing at his skin, roaming over my hair, my cheeks, and finally my lips.
“I’m mortified about putting that degree on my resume, James. You could sue me!”
He laughs. “Yeah, we’re not going to do that. That would be a huge waste of time and resources, and why would we do that when you’re so great at your job?”
His body heat slowly seeps into me, and as I rest my hand on his chest to work on his face, his heart beats reassuringly under my fingers.
“I didn’t see your mom at the apartment,” he says.
“Oh, Christ! I need to call her. She left Jake. She’s in a hostel in Jersey City. I was supposed to go back there. I told her I was going to look for you, and she’ll be worried.”
“She left Jake?”
“Yes, thank God. When I got back here from the office today, my mom was sitting on your doorstep.”
“Is she okay?”
