But she grabs my arm again.
“What the hell?” I shake her off. “I did a test.”
“But you didn’t go to CUNY, did you?” she says. “I told James. I told him you lied.”
My legs almost give out from under me.She told James?Her face swims in front of me, the rush of traffic heading down Water Street washing in and out of my head for several frantic seconds. I suck in a deep breath. “You’ve no idea what you’re talking about. You think I can’t program? That they wouldn’t have realized that in the first five minutes of meeting me?”
“But you would never have got an interview without a degree, would you?”
Christ, she’s put two and two together and come up with exactly the right answer.
I step back.
“Where did you learn to write software? Some crappy course on the internet?” She laughs. “What do you think someone like James with a PhD would think of that? How good is your math? James was always talking about how complicated it all was.”
God, she’s said all this to James. He knows I don’t have a degree. He knows I lied. James, who does indeed talk all the time about math and the complicated underlying systems.
“I bet they’ve been nothing but generous with you. You’re just a leech.”
I’ma leech? The fury rises hot and fast. “At least I didn’t get flowers for years from someone else and sleep with them.” I lean forward. She thinks she’s not leeching off him? After all the liesshetoldhim? “At least I didn’t treat him so badly that he tried to jump off the roof of our apartment building.”
She reels back, eyes wide. “What?” she whispers.
I close my eyes. I shouldn’t have said that. Oh God, I shouldn’t have said that. It’s the last thing James would want her to know. Life was better when I stuck to being quiet. It was safe when I didn’t go opening my mouth and expressing my opinions. Iknowthat. It’s all his fault. He started listening to me and laughing, and I began to think I had something interesting to say. I don’t.Shut the fuck up, Sadie.Crawl back under your rock. This will result in an immediate termination.You were never meant to have a downtown New York life, and you need to remember that.
I lean into her face, channeling Jake. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll leave me the fuck alone.”
It would be difficult enough having a relationship with James at work, though it’s not against company policy, but now he’s going to hate me until the end of time. My fingertips were on the edge of a better life, but in no time at all, all my impossible dreams are crashing down around my ears. And who’s responsible for that?Me.I glance back at the building behind me. Who’s aware of this? Everyone? Cath, Jo, Roy … Goddammit, how can I ever go back there? Before Jane can say another word, I turn around and start running.
Chapter 30
James
Itap my finger against the wood of my desk and stare at Sadie’s empty seat, then push up and head to the kitchen, pressing the button on the coffeemaker as I drum my hand on the countertop. I’ve been in meetings all morning squaring everything off with Jo and Priya. According to Cath, Sadie disappeared with her sandwich around midday. That was three hours ago. She’s never out for this long. I’ve called her twice and sent numerous texts. The last one I sent five minutes ago said:
Where are you?
Cradling my mug, I pace across to her desk, gazing down at her chair. I rub my hand over her soft cardigan hanging on the back. I like her huge figure-swamping cardigans; they’re very Sadie. Moving her mouse wakes up her machine, so I scan over the developer space she uses to write software—nothing out of the ordinary at all. As I’m looking at her code, my phone vibrates in my hand.Thank God.
But when I look down, it’s a message from Jane asking if we can get together after work.Goddammit. So much for the terrible pain and being stuck in Brooklyn. And no, we can’t meet for a drink. I don’t even grace it with a reply as I stride back to my desk. Roy jerks his chin at me.
“Where’s Sadie, man?” he says.
“Not sure. She didn’t say anything to you or Cath did she, about … an appointment?”
Roy shakes his head.
When I sit back down, I stare at my computer screen. Why isn’t she responding?She’s got her phone with her. Unless … Unless … she went outside and … Jake? Christ, did she go out and … I leap to my feet. Shit, why didn’t I think of that?I’m an idiot.I knew he was a danger. God, I’ve been sitting here wasting time. I trot through the desks toward Cath.
“Cath, I’m concerned about Sadie. She went out to lunch a couple of hours ago and hasn’t come back.”
“Not come back?” She glances over at Sadie’s desk.
“No. She didn’t say anything to you, did she?”
“No.”
“I’m going to go and search for her and check if she’s okay. Hold the fort for me while I’m gone, yeah?”
