I grab his hand. “Don’t take me to the apartment,” I hiss.
“What?”
“Don’t take me anywhere near the apartment! I can’t go to the apartment.”
“What? Why?”
“Jane can’t see me like this.”
“She’ll have gone to work, won’t she?”
I close my eyes. “What day is it?”
“Tuesday, 11 a.m. You’re lucky it’s not raining out here, Jimmy-boy. You’re a mess.”
“Yeah, yeah. Okay,” I say. He starts to straighten, and my hand shoots out and grabs his forearm, pulling him back down. “You have to move me out.”
“Move you out? Of where?”
“The apartment. Today.”
“Calm down. Calm down, okay? You’re going to be all right. We’ll get your face and leg looked at and …”
I tighten my grip on his arm. “You’ve got to get me out. Promise me. Today.”
His eyes narrow on me. “What’s all the urgency? What’s going on?”
“Jane’s new boyfriend came to meet me.Me!He’s staying in ourapartment, sleeping in our old bedroom. In our bed. With Jane! Who does that, Des? Who. Does. That?”
Des’s eyes are like saucers. “Seriously?” He glances around the roof. I squeeze his arm again.
“I can’t go back there. Promise me, Des. Promise me you’ll move all my stuff out.”
“Why are you up here? Why didn’t you call me?”
I groan.
“Okay, okay. I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry.”
I grab his fingers now. “Don’t tell anybody about this. Not Jane. Not Jo. No one. I don’t want to let anyone down.”
“You aren’t letting anyone down, you maniac.”
I tighten my grip on him. “I don’t want anyone to know.”
“All right, all right. But you’re going to need stitches, buddy. You’ll have to tell peoplesomething.”
Oh God.
“What the fuck were you doing up here drinking, anyway?”
How does he know I was drinking?Of course it’s fucking obvious, James.The glass. I can smell the booze. I stink. But Jesus, I can’t tell him why I was up here.You were standing on the ledge. How did I end up flat on my back? Jo’s putting me in charge of the team when Des goes off to Korea in a few weeks. How bad would this look? Would Des feel he needed to stay? I could fuck this whole thing up for the business, for him and his boyfriend, Alex … for Jo, too.
“I had to get out of the apartment. I didn’t know where else to go.”
“You could have come to me! You can always come to me. Fucking promise me, okay? Don’t injure yourself again. Don’t drink on your own,” he says.
When we get to the ER, Kate’s blonde hair and smiling face lean over the gurney into my line of sight. She grips my hand and squeezes my fingers. I’ve met her once or twice before, and seeing her kind face and feeling herfirm grip on me makes tears well up and leak down my cheeks. The sting of the salt water takes my breath away.
