Each line is a little electric shock. I want to say it’s academic interest, but it’s not. It’s the weird, uncanny comfort of seeing yourself mapped out by someone else’s data set.
Sometimes, reading these, I get flashes: a wine glass in my hand, a stranger’s mouth on my skin, laughter in a room I can’t remember. Sometimes I catch myself writing Daisy in the margins of my notes, like the name means something more than just a gap in the records. Like maybe she’s still in there, waiting for her chance to take over again.
I rub my eyes, blinking away the memory, and get back to work.
At the next table over, someone coughs, then slams a book shut. I look up to see her: the girl with pink hair and perfect eyebrows. We’ve never spoken, but I see her every week in this same spot, always surrounded by a wall of snacks and color-coded flashcards.
She glances my way, then smiles. “You’re here a lot, right?”
I nod. “Yeah. Hi.”
She pulls off her headphones, leans in. “I’ve seen you around. I’m Kat.”
“Tara. Nice to meet you.” The words are automatic, but not false.
Kat glances at my stack of books, then at my screen filled with tiny text. “That looks intense.”
“It’s for a paper,” I say. “On fugue states.”
Her face lights up. “Oh! Is that like amnesia, or more like, multiple personalities?”
“A little of both,” I say. “It’s complicated.”
She snorts. “Everything in psychology is.”
There’s a lull, then she asks, “Got any plans this weekend?”
It’s such a normal question, I almost laugh. “Just dinner with my boyfriend and his family,” I say, not bothering to hide the ring of pride in my voice.
She raises her eyebrows. “Isn’t your boyfriend that… what’s the word…magnate?”
I blink, surprised. “Magnate?”
“You know. The CEO guy. He gave a talk here last semester. Everyone’s been talking about it because he wasthatcompelling and magnetic. Handsome too.”
I can’t help the blush that rises in my cheeks. “Yeah. Hunter McCarren’s his name.”
Kat whistles, long and low. “Damn, girl. How’d you land a billionaire?”
I grin, playing it off. “Sheer luck.”
She smiles back, teeth white and even. “I bet.”
We chat for a minute, and I realize I’m not nervous, not really. Six months ago, I’d have turned to ice at this kind of attention. Now, it just feels like another part of my story—a chapter I don’t have to be ashamed of.
Kat asks, “So, your paper. Is it, like, a personal interest, or…?”
I hesitate, then decide to be honest. “Personal, I guess. I lost my memory for a bit last year. Came back, eventually. Now I’m just trying to make sense of it.”
She’s silent for a moment, then says, “That sounds scary.”
“It was. But it worked out.” I glance at my phone. “Now I just have to survive midterms.”
She snorts again. “You and me both.”
Kat slips her headphones back on and waves a little before diving back into her flashcards. I stare at my screen, but the words swim together.
I think of Hunter, waiting for me at home, and I smile. I think of Daisy, and I don’t flinch.
