“Well, don’t try and Dom me. It won’t work.”
“Because you like to top.”
“Pfft. No. I like being bossed about too. I’m just not in the mood, okay?”
He raised his eyebrows. “I could put you over my knee and spank you. Would that help your mood?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m not into impact play or pain.”
“Good to know.” He glanced around my room and then looked out of the window, so there was a couple of minutes of uncomfortable silence. “What’s going on?”
I decided he wasn’t leaving until I told him something and, as I was crap at lying, then I needed to tell him the truth. “Today is Bobby’s birthday.”
He pulled a face like he was unsure what I meant.
“And you’re missing him?” he asked softly.
I scoffed. “You could say that. He died. Cancer. Six months ago.”
Travis looked genuinely sorry, pity appearing in his expression. “You were close?”
“He was my… actually, I don’t know how to describe him. He was just Bobby to me. My foster dad, I guess. The closest thing to family I had and, well, now I’m all alone.”
“Yeah, that’s not true.” Jasper appeared in the doorway as if he’d been listening nearby. “I told you that you weren’t alone. That hasn’t changed.”
“No?” I sounded pouty. I could feel my neediness growing wings and getting stronger, like a weed taking root in a garden.
“No.”
“I’m fine. I just want to be left alone.”
Jasper folded his arms over his chest, making his biceps pop under his shirt. At least he was wearing clothes. “You’ve just said you don’t want to be alone.”
“No, I didn’t. I said I was alone. I’m okay with that.”
Jasper rolled his eyes. “No one wants to be alone. Take it from someone who keeps trying it. It’s not fun, Finn.”
“And that’s why you’re depressed?” I hated the words the second they left my mouth. His mental health was none of my business. I was just his PA who he’d fooled around with. It wasn’t like we were in a relationship.
He stepped forward and side-eyed Travis. “You?” he questioned, causing Travis to pull a guilty face and mouth ‘sorry’.
“Maybe it was. I was so afraid to let anyone get close, but I’m doing better. I speak to my therapist twice a week at the moment, and I think realising I was gay has had a massive impact on how I feel about myself. I was so lost before.”
“And you’re not now?”
He shook his head. “No, I still am, but I understand why, and I can spend time unpicking all that. Before, I just felt hopeless. Now, I’m hopeful.”
I offered him a fake smile because it was all that I could manage.
“Did Bobby have a favourite TV show or film?” Jasper asked.
“The Big Bang Theory.” I replied, a tear pricking my eye as I remembered how many times we’d watched it over the years.
“Right, well, we have pizza and cookies. Why don’t we bring them in here, and we can watch it together? You can be sad, you don’t have to talk, or you can tell us about Bobby, or you can just cry. Whatever you need, but you don’t have to do it on your own.” My throat burned with emotion as I tried to keep it inside. “Trav, I think Finn needs one of your injections of oxytocin.”
Travis turned his head to look back at Jasper before leaping off the bed and dragging me forward.
“What are you doing?” I cried as he forced his way in behind me, sitting with his legs on either side of me and wrapping his arms around my waist, hugging me tightly.
