“He’s who I was dancing for tonight. He ran this amazing halfway house. Took in kids like me who came out and were disowned, outed, cut off. He gave us a place where we were cared for and safe. God, I loved that man.”
“Loved?”
“He died six months ago.”
“Shit. Cancer… my mum told me who they were raising money for. I’m so sorry for your loss.”
My chest burned with the unexpressed emotion that I’d been forcing down since I lost him. “He was my person, you know. The one person who cared about me. Now I’m alone and it’s shit.”
A lone tear rolled down my cheek, and I inwardly cursed because this wasn’t me. I was strong, fearless, made of iron. I didn’t want to cry because I was scared if I started, I’d never stop. Bobby died, and I focused on the practical—the house, staff to run it, I quit dancing, found a job, a house of my own to settle down in. I told myself I’d do my grieving later. When I had time, when I could do it properly, but instead, I’d kept myself busy ever since. And now, lying here in the dark, rehearsals done, the charity event over, it hit me that I had a void to fill, otherwise, I might drown in the loss of Bobby.
Suddenly, an arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me close. I didn’t try to fight it or question what he was doing. It had been so long since someone had touched me that I melted into him like an ice cream on a hot summer’s day.
“You’re not alone, Finn. I promise. I’m here for anything you need.”
“I like hugs,” I mumbled into his chest.
“I’ve never been much of a fan, but if hugs are what you need, I can do that. Might do me good. Apparently, they release oxytocin, which boosts happiness levels.”
“Did your fish research teach you that?”
He chuckled, the sound vibrating through me. “Something like that. Right, get some sleep. Those sore muscles need to rest.”
“Yes, Professor.”
“I thought we agreed on Jasper out of work.”
“Hhhmmmm,” I hummed as exhaustion took hold and the last thing I remembered was Jasper’s hand moving up and down my back, lulling me to sleep.
JASPER
I’d never fallenasleep with someone.
I’d never woken up next to someone.
Except that night with Travis. But I pushed that thought away. I mean, I’d been texting him for weeks and he’d not replied to any of them.
I looked down at Finn, who was still curled up against my side. Neither of us had appeared to move at all last night and we were in the same position we were when we fell asleep.
The blinds on the large windows were open, and the sunlight shone in, making Finn’s pale skin practically glow. I couldn’t resist, my fingertips drawn to him like the tide pulled by the moon. I traced the outline of his top lip, loving how his mouth opened a little from the contact. I moved to his bottom lip and repeated the motion before dusting along his chin and up his jaw.
He mumbled in his sleep, so I pulled my hand back, but when he didn’t wake, I reached out for him again, this time running my fingers through his hair, wondering what it would be like to press my lips to his and kiss him awake. Then I froze, questioning what the hell I was doing. I felt like I’d had this awakening and it hadn’t just cracked open a door to a whole new world for me to explore; no, instead, it had shoved me through so I fell in head first, my body suddenly craving everything I’d denied it all these years.
“I know. I’m a thing of beauty in the mornings,” Finn mumbled, his eyes staying closed.
“Sorry,” I whispered, “I’m being so weird.”
He stretched, letting his eyelids flutter open before he offered me a half-smile. “Yes.”
I laughed, slapping his shoulder. “I was just thinking, that’s all.”
“About fish migration?”
“Surprisingly no, although that reminds me, I need to make a plan to go to Australia. But, no, I was just thinking about how I’ll ever work out what I like.”
He edged back a little, putting some space between us, and I didn’t like the cool feeling that replaced his warmth. “Tell me more.”
But I couldn’t. Shame, embarrassment, my inability to put my feelings into words, they all made explaining how I felt impossible. “I don’t even know where to start.”
