Silence.
“Jasper, there is a reason that we’ve not got anywhere with your therapy, but you continue to show up to our sessions, week after week. You wouldn’t or couldn’t face your past. I can’t force you to look deeper or try harder. You had to do that, and this… well, this is you finding your own way there.”
“I’m gay,” I whispered. “I’m gay and I was in love with my best friend.”
“I know.”
“He left.” Tears broke free, pain cracking me open, leaving me raw and vulnerable. “And I was so scared it was because he knew what I’d been thinking. He was so disgusted by me that he moved away.”
She gave me a pointed look. “But that wasn’t true, was it?”
I shook my head. “I think I was scared to come home because it would all come out. He showed back up in my life, and I unconsciously ran to the other side of the world for five years. But now I’m back, I have to tell him… God, my mum will hate me. They’re married, for fuck’s sake. I mean, how messed up is that?”
“Do you still have feelings for him?”
I recoiled. “Ew, no.”
She chuckled. “Well, then, you don’t have to tell him, and even if you do, your feelings are in the past. No one can make you feel bad for things you felt as a teenager.”
“I guess,” I muttered, picking at my nails as we chatted.
“Can I ask, what do you think caused this revelation tonight? Because I have to be honest and tell you that your feelings have been buried deep.”
“I watched my PA dance.” I sighed, thinking about Finn moving on stage. “He was stunning. And I’ve been having feelings for Travis… you know, who I worked with before I came back.”
“So, there are two people.” I opened my mouth to defend what I’d said and explain away my comments, but she held up her hand. “No judgement, Jasper. You’ve repressed your feelings for a long time. It’s okay to want to explore them.”
“You think?” I asked, sounding terrified.
She smiled wide, giving me a nod. “I think it is. So, what comes next for this new chapter of your life? One where you get to be the real you.”
Nervous laughter bubbled from my chest. “I have no idea.”
FINN
I droppedmy bag on the floor of my hotel suite before I closed the door behind me. I was officially broken, but it was worth it. One last dance for Bobby. I tilted my head up to the ceiling, holding back the tears that filled my eyes as I remembered the loud, funny, quirky man who changed my life. With his colourful shirts and ridiculous handlebar moustache. Without him, I’d have never gone to dance school, never had the life I did. He took me in when my parents believed that my sexuality made me so disgusting they didn’t even want me in the same house as them anymore.
Bobby saved me, and tonight, through Jax Cartright’s charity, I knew we had enough to keep Bobby’s legacy running as the halfway house I’d lived in for two years, would have enough to fix it up and to pay a full time manager to run the place in Bobby’s absence.
“I hope you’re looking down at me with a smile, Daddy Warbucks.” I chuckled at the nickname I’d given him and, like he was giving me a message, my phone beeped. Reaching down into the outside pocket of my bag, I took it out, groaning at the effort to stand back up, my muscles screaming at me to get in the bath.
Kicking off my trainers, I looked down, surprised to see who the message was from.
Professor Fischer: Hi.
I stared at the screen, butterflies dancing in my stomach.
Me: Hi. Everything ok?
Professor Fischer: I guess.
Professor Fischer: Sorry, that was weird. Yes, everything is fine.
I waited for his next message impatiently.
Professor Fischer: Full transparency. I was there tonight.
I moved through the large room, not noticing anything about the luxury of the suite I’d booked to relax in this weekend, my bath and aching body forgotten as I perched on the edge of the large king-sized bed.
