He shook his head.
“I don’t understand.” I reached out to touch his face, and he took my hand in his as he let out a long breath.
“I can’t tell you.”
“Why?”
He lowered his eyes, almost like he was ashamed, and I hated that this conversation was causing him pain. “I’ve never told anyone.”
“No one?”
“I mean, Dad knew, but, no. I’ve never spoken about it.”
I moved closer to him, pressing a kiss to his lips. He deepened it instantly, groaning as my tongue found his. “You can tell me anything,” I whispered against his mouth. “I don’t know how to do this if we’re keeping secrets.”
“It’s in the past. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
I pulled back a little and raised my eyebrow. “You won’t let me touch you, so it does matter. It’s affecting you today, even if you tell yourself it isn’t.”
Jax’s hand traced around the edge of my bra, as if he’d just noticed I was only in my underwear, then without saying anything he tugged the cup on one side down, freeing my breast. He lowered his head, sucking my nipple into his mouth, teasing me with his teeth and tongue.
I couldn’t stop myself, rolling my spine, trying to get more of his touch. But, again, I was conscious that this was becoming all about me when I wanted to focus on his pleasure.
“Jax, you’re trying to distract me.”
He shook his head as his fingers pulled my panties to one side and edged between my folds.
“I want to touch you. I want to make you come,” I told him breathlessly as he pushed two fingers inside me.
He lifted his face, his eyes dark as he stared at me like he was about to devour me. “I mean it, Helen. It’s not for me. I get my pleasure from touching you, from making you come. God, I could never come again, but if I got to watch you fall apart multiple times a day, I would be a happy man.”
He pumped his fingers quicker, and my hands ran across his shoulders and down his back. He shuddered. “See, I like that. Touch me like that while I touch you.” He added a third finger and grunted. “You’re so wrecked from earlier. It’s so hot. Are you sore?”
I was, but now any discomfort was forgotten. “No… I mean, not enough to want you to stop.”
He eased out of me and reached over, grabbing a condom from the side. Sliding down his sweats to the base of his cock, he rolled it on before spreading me wide and pushing into me in one smooth move. “Take your bra off,” he instructed. “Put your hands above you on the headboard.”
I wiggled out of my bra, tossing it to the side, not caring where it landed. I braced my hands above my head, just in time as he pinned my thighs open, hitting me deep with his thrust, making my whole body bounce from the strength of his hips.
I should have worried about what he thought of my untoned stomach or the way my breasts jiggled, but one look at the desire on his face obliterated those insecurities. I had never felt more beautiful.
“This is what I want. This is what gets me off. You, spread out for me, stretched around my cock, coming on my fingers. Fuck, Helen, this is all I’ll ever need.”
My orgasm ripped through me like a rocket, leaving a trail of overstimulated nerves in its wake. My nipples ached, my clit throbbed almost painfully while a tear rolled from my eye from the intensity of it all.
“Tell me you can live with it, beautiful. Tell me this is enough… that I can take my pleasure from you.”
I wanted to touch him, explore him, make him feel as good as he made me feel, but right now, this felt enough, so I agreed, not knowing what I was really giving up.
“Yes, it’s enough. You’re enough, Jax.”
He lifted to his knees, tilting his hips, so the head of his cock rubbed against a spot inside me that made my eyes roll back into my head as he drove into me. “Come for me again, beautiful.”
My body shook, the ferocity of him filling me almost too much to bear. “I can’t.”
“Give me one more, Helen.” His hand pressed down on my stomach, increasing the pressure, and he bit down on my nipple as the fingers on his other hand circled my clit.
I came with such force that liquid gushed from my body, covering Jax, me, and probably the bed, as Jax came with a roar, stilling as he spilled inside me and I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to feel the heat of his cum filling me.
