“Jax, you want to come for a drink? It’s the least we can do after subjecting you to talking about our mum’s love life,” Jasper asked, offering me an apologetic look.
I held my breath as I waited to see if he’d stay like I’d asked him to.
“No, I have some stuff to take care of. Thanks though.”
Jax looked at me and I knew that I had to fix what I’d broken.
Jax
The front door closed, leaving Helen and I staring at each other.
“Well, that was fun,” she huffed, rolling her eyes.
“They love you.”
“I know, but still. Look, can we start again? I-I didn’t handle things in the car very well. You caught me off guard. I nearly ran us into oncoming traffic, for god’s sake.”
“Helen, I got the message. It’s fine. We don’t need to drag this out. You’re starting this new chapter of your life, so of course you don’t want something with the first man to show you any interest. I overstepped and I—”
“Ask me again?”
My brows pinched. “Ask you what?”
“In the car, I said that I was going to fall for you and you would realise all the reasons we shouldn’t be together. You asked if I could see myself falling for you. I shook my head. I didn’t say no. Ask me again?”
There was a whole room of space between us and I needed it because if I’d been closer, I would have dropped to my kneesand begged her to want me like I wanted her. “I can’t.” My heart couldn't take more rejection.
“Okay, I’ll just tell you. I could see myself falling for you, Jax Cartwright.” My heart leapt in my chest. “I can see myself with you. In a relationship, coming home to you, waking up with you, telling my boys about us. I can see it all, but I’m so scared that Conner's right. I’m just a desperate woman who has no clue about relationships and I’m going to get hurt.”
I narrowed my gaze. “You think I could do that to you?”
She shook her head. “No.”
I moved to sit on the sofa and Helen did the same, pushing herself right to the edge to put some space between us.
“I was trying to tell you that I’ve never wanted this before, but you do something to me. You make me crave more of you. I count the minutes until I’m home with you. I’ve never wanted more than one night with anyone, but you… I would spend every night with you if I could. I was waiting for you outside your work tonight because I wanted to tell you that I wanted more. I wanted to be clear that this is more than a hook-up for me. I know it’s fast, but I’m feeling things for you, Helen. Things that I’ve never felt and I don’t want to mess about. I want you to know how much I want something real with you. Telling your boys was me showing you how serious I was about this… about you. Life is too short to wait for the things you want. I didn’t want to wait weeks or months to tell you how I felt because that’s what’s expected. I want to tell you how I feel now, because I’m drowning in my feelings and I’m hoping you knowing means we can hang on to each other while we get swept away in all this.”
She pulled her hands to her heart, the corners of her lips curling upward. “What about when you want kids, Jax, or in twenty years when I’m seventy and you’re fifty-one? What about then?”
“Helen, seventy to fifty-one doesn’t sound bad to me; our age gap doesn’t bother me at all. I promise. And, honestly, I don’t want kids. After everything that happened with my dad, I decided I didn’t want them. I’m not just saying it. Kids have never been an option for me.” A pang of pain at the truth in those words plucked at my heart, but I focused my attention back on Helen.
“Really?” Her eyes widened in surprise.
“Now, what other reasons have you got for us not being together?”
Helen shuffled closer to me, tucking her caramel hair behind her ear. “I’ve been told what I should want and what I should do my whole life. My dad made me get married because I got pregnant. Gary told me what I should do for our entire relationship—I should lose weight, I should stay home with the kids. I shouldn’t complain when he decided to go to the pub and not come home and help with our kids. And now, my own son is telling me I should be giving up any ideas of dating or having a sex life. Well, no more. I refuse to be told what Ishoulddo anymore.”
Helen took my hands in hers, her blue eyes looking directly into mine. “I want you, Jax. I want a relationship with you. I want to hold your hand in public, kiss you whenever I feel like it. I want my kids to know about us. If you want more, then so do I.”
My chest burned, emotions swirling behind my sternum. “You’re serious?”
She wrapped her arms around my neck, resting her forehead against mine. “I’m serious. I want to be with you.”
“Be my girlfriend? Tell Jas and the boys?”
She gave me that smile that made me grin back in reply because she was agreeing to be mine. “Tell the boys, absolutely, but I think I’m too old to be a girlfriend.”
I leaned back, locking our gaze again. “Shush, woman. You’re not too old for anything. Now, any other requests.”
