Prologue
Helen
I woke before the sun came up, stress and nerves making my stomach churn and sleep feel impossible. Pulling back the covers, I climbed out of bed, the chill in the air making me shiver. I ran through a mental list of everything I needed to do today—moving day.
Shower, cup of tea, pack the rest of the kitchen stuff away before the movers arrived at 9 am.
Lifting my phone from the bedside table, I typed out a quick message to the family group chat I had with my boys.
Me: Don’t be late today.
Jasper: Today?
Me: *angry face emoji*
Conner: I’m working today.
Callum: ????
Me: Boys!!!!!
…
…
…
Me: Boys. Your dad divorced me, made me sell the family home. You know, the place filled with 31 years of memories. The place I’m moving out of today.
Jasper: Well, now we feel bad. We were joking. We’ve not forgotten. Be there by 8. I’m just going to jump in the shower before I pick my two loser brothers up.
Callum: We’re just playing
Conner: Ma. Don’t cry. Just joking xxx
Me: *winky face emoji* *crying laughing face emoji*
Jasper: Evil, evil woman. We thought we’d upset you then.
Me: Love you. See you soon x
Giggling to myself, because those boys loved to tease me and I loved to do it right back, I stripped out of my light blue button-up pyjamas and threw them onto the bed to add to the last of my packing.
Usually, I would head straight for the shower, ignoring the large ornate mirror that hung on the bedroom wall, but today I stopped in front of it, sucking in a long, deep breath before I let my gaze rise to land on my naked reflection.
I’d been eighteen when I got married. Gary and I met at school and had only slept together a handful of times when I fell pregnant. Not wanting to bring shame on our families, we married a few weeks later, and I gave birth to Jasper before I turned nineteen. I guess we were happy for a while, because Conner came next, and then, finally, Callum. But three kids under four took a toll on so many things: our relationship, my body, sleep, and our bank account.
While my boys thrived, my marriage didn’t fare so well and when Gary moved out and filed for divorce eight months ago, telling me he’d met someone else, I couldn’t say I was surprised or even that upset. I mean, we’d been kids when we married; driven together out of necessity rather than love. And although I knew we cared for each other, it wasn’t that romantic love you read about.
I let out a sigh because I knew, at forty-nine, I was never going to experience that kind of love now. There would be no fairy tale happy ending for me.
I took in my appearance, which had fared about as well as my marriage. Round hips, a wobbly, stretch mark-covered stomach, large boobs that looked okay in a bra, but gravity had been less than kind to. Thick thighs, cellulite, flesh that jiggled when I walked. My long, dark hair was flecked with gray that I dyed at home, laughter lines carved into the corners of my eyes andmouth, and freckles from too many years in the sun dusted my nose and cheeks.
I didn’t hate my body; it had done me proud over the years, but it wasn’t the body I wanted to walk into the next chapter of my life with. I wanted to be toned, confident, and breathtaking. But as I stared at myself with honest eyes, I had to admit that I looked like a middle-aged mum of three. And I had no idea how to be anything else.
Chapter 1
Helen
