The sound of our feet echoed out as we took one step at a time, leading us to the circular room where the light for the lighthouse lived. On one side of the structure was a huge curved window, in the middle was the lens that was used to warn the sailors, and on the other side the remaining wall was solid, presumably so the light only shone out to sea and not back onto land…genius idea.
Someone had obviously done some renovation work in here, building in a large semi-circular window seat, covering it in comfy cushions and fleecy blankets. There were fairy lights strung from the ceiling and storm candles, making it a relaxing crow's nest with an uninterrupted view of the sea.
“I can’t wait to see this place at night,” she sighed, rubbing her arms and shivering.
“Come on, let’s go light the fires and unpack, and we can come back later.”
Fern
This place was like something out of a fairy story. It was quaint, secluded, and had the most amazing view. It would have been the perfect place to come for a romantic weekend with someone you loved, but I wasn’t here for a romantic weekend. I was here hiding because my ex tried to rape me. A knock on the door made me jump, and I hated how vulnerable I felt.
“Shit, sorry,” Charlie groaned as I turned to look at him. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted you to know that the fires are lit, and the place is warming up nicely. Also, I found soup, and I was going to make some grilled cheese. I wasn’t sure how hungry you were.”
“You’re still being too nice, Charlie,” I muttered.
“Now get your pain in the ass self out here and you’re doing the washing up later.”
“Better, now please tell me the soup is tomato, because it’s the only one acceptable with grilled cheese.”
We ate quietly, sitting on the floor around the coffee table, both of us transfixed by the kaleidoscope of color dancing before us as the sun began to sink. I sighed, feeling the elephant in the room and not wanting to give that man a moment more of my energy than I had to.
“James and I used to date,” I admitted, keeping my eyes fixed on the waves cresting in the distance.
“W-what?” Charlie spat out.
Standing, I moved to the sofa, curling my legs up under myself and pulling a pillow into me.
“I was seventeen. It was my birthday. James had been a protégé of my dad’s for a few years, so it didn’t surprise me that he came to dinner that night. I’d had a crush on him for a while. I mean, he was everything I’d been taught I wanted and needed in a man. Good looking, confident, able to take care of me and give me a life I was used to. I’d been flirting with him for months and that night he made an excuse about needing to make a call and waited for me in my room. He told me he was in love with me, but he wanted to wait to tell me on my birthday… wanted it to be something special that I would remember forever.
“He kissed me and I thought all my dreams had come true. Then he suggested I give him something special. He undressed me, telling me he’d not been with anyone since he realized his feelings for me. That he had needs, and he wanted me to show him how serious I was about being together.”
I paused, swallowing down the memories. “I should have seen the red flags then. He was demanding, talking me in circles until he had me agreeing to things I wasn’t sure I was ready for. That night he made me believe that he was giving me everything I’d ever need, that this was the start of our future together.”
I let my eyes glance over at Charlie. He sat crossed legged near my feet, looking up at me like he had all the time in the world to listen to my story.
“That night we had sex, or should I say, he had sex with me. He laid on top of me, still in his shirt and dress pants, telling me it was better to get my first time over and done with because it would hurt and he would make it better for me next time.
“He didn’t use lube or get me ready for him. He didn’t use protection because he said I was his now and so we didn’t need it. He didn’t pause or check on me when I cried out. He just told me to bite down on my lip and not to make another sound. He fucked me, he came, kissed me on the cheek, stood up, and did up his fly, announcing that I needed to start taking birth control as he walked away.”
A tear rolled down my cheek as I realized how stupid I’d been and how much power I’d given that man.
“The next day he sent me a necklace with my initial on it with a note telling me how perfect last night had been and how glad he was that I was his and I fell for it. For eighteen months, he visited two or three times a week. We had sex, he promised me the world, telling me he loved me, telling me he would marry me as soon as he made partner and I took whatever he offered like the good future wife I’d been trained to be.”
“And your sister? How did they end up together?” Charlie asked, almost whispering.
“He got partner and proposed to her the next day, announcing it to the world at her birthday party. He came to my room that night and told me I was only good to fuck, but that he’d like to keep doing that, even when he was married to her. I took a temp job in the city, arranged to move in with my friend Luci, and left later that week.”
“Fern, I’m—”
“It gets worse. I avoided family dinners, didn’t go home, cut off contact with them, until my sister’s wedding. I was getting ready when James walked in, screaming about me sleeping around with every rock star in the city. He’d obviously seen pap shots of me out with people like Fox and Archer and assumed I was having a whale of a time. He was so angry, I was terrified. James was a hard man, but I’d never seen him violent or even gotten a hint of it. But that day, God, that day I did. I think my mum walking in the room saved me, but I finally understood how dangerous he was.”
Charlie rose to his knees, moving closer to the sofa, holding out his hand for me to take. I stared at it for a moment, realizing I liked the contact with him. He made me feel safe and right now, I needed as much of that as possible.
“I should have never gone to my parents’ house this week. I figured James would have calmed down. I mean, he’s a dad to a daughter now. Surely he wouldn’t hurt me for just getting on with my life, would he? But now, I look like this.” I waved my spare hand in front of my face. “Bruised, marked… by him, and why? Because I wouldn’t give him what he wanted and he thought he could just take it from me anyway.” My chest heaved as tears tried to force themselves from my eyes, but I didn’t have any more left to cry for that monster.
“James is used to winning, being number one, having people bend over backward to give him what he demands. I wouldn’t do that. Not after what he did to me with my sister, and he hated that. Last night was him trying to show me just how much power he has over me.”.
Charlie reached for the uninjured side of my face, cupping it gently. “You, Fern Richards, are not a victim or powerless. That man is a monster. You’re a fighter. You’re strong. You have a voice that he tried to silence because he didn’t like what youwanted to say, but you fought back and you didn’t let him take anything from you.”
