I shook my head. “Perfect,” was all I could get out.
Our eyes met in the mirror just as her mouth curved into a beautiful smile and that finished me off. My body exploded and Fern's pulsing hips prolonged the pleasure, making my toes curl and my body buck until I could barely see.
She eased out of me slowly, my ass stinging in a way that sent aftershocks of pleasure through me.
“Can you move up the bed? I’ll get you some water.”
I rolled over. “Don’t go.”
She flicked her eyes up the bed, silently telling me to move and once my head was against the pillows, she laid down next to me, the strap on now removed so I could touch every inch of her. Pulling her to me, I wrapped my arms tightly around her, burying my face in her neck, feeling so many emotions I wasn’t sure what to do with them, so I did the only thing that made sense.
“I love you, Fern Richards. I love you so fucking much. I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”
I wish I’d been more aware of her reaction, but my head was still floating in that wonderful place she seemed to send me. I got the message the next morning, though, when I woke to an empty bed and no sign of Fern.
“I told her I loved her.”
Archer’s eyes widened as we sat around his kitchen island after I’d turned up at his house unannounced and demanded Fox come over too.
“I’ve had such a fucked up sex life for so long. Jennifer, then everyone since. Fern felt like the first real thing I’d ever experienced, but it was so…”
“Different?” Archer asked.
I shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. I mean, I’ve had a lot of sex, but I want her in a different way.”
Fox frowned.
“She gave me my cage. I wanted her to fuck me. She silenced all that damage Jennifer did without me even realizing.”
Fox brought me in for a hug before letting me go again.
“And now I’ve ruined it by telling her I love her. She said she needed time when we left the lighthouse and I’m rushing her. I’m going to ruin it like I ruin everything.”
I hated the pain in my voice, but it was true. Despite years of pretending what happened with Jennifer didn’t affect me, I knew the damage it had done and the scars it left.
Fox’s eyes flared. “You don’t ruin anything. What the fuck? Where is this coming from, C?”
I rolled my neck from side to side. “I nearly lost us our recording contract. I let my past drive me to do that… I’m all over the place. Maybe I’m not meant for this life. I mean, I couldn’t stop a woman touching me when I didn’t want her to. Why should I think I’ve got control over any aspect of my life?”
“C, Jennifer sexually assaulted you. Fuck, she raped you. You know that, right? She raped you and then you told your dad, who didn’t protect you. It’s no wonder that you feel the way you do about sex and relationships, but Fern is one of the good ones. She might not feel the same as you right now, but it’s obvious how much she likes you. Give her time.” Archer reached for me, offering me comfort.
“I feel like such an idiot.”
Fox nudged my shoulder. “You are an idiot, C, but I don’t think Fern’s realized that yet.”
Hours later, after my boys had fed me, let me kick their ass atCall of Duty, and reassured me that I wasn’t a fuck up and was worthy of love, a knock sounded on Archer’s front door.
Murmured voices sounded from the hall, but I paid them no attention until Ionee walked into the living room with a wide grin on her face. “Charlie, you have a visitor.”
I looked up to find Fern standing in the room, as Ionee hit Archer’s shoulder, twitching her head, telling him and Fox to leave us alone.
Fern didn’t hesitate, walking toward where I sat on the sofa and pushing into my lap. She wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face in my neck. I wanted to hug her back, but I was angry… angry that she’d vanished on me.
“I’m so sorry. I went out to get us breakfast.” Her voice was low and so unlike her that I pulled back so I could look her in the eye. “And then I got a call. Fucking band trashed a hotel last night, and I needed to go to the office to sort it out. I’ve been on calls all day.”
I frowned.
“I promise. All I wanted to do is call you and explain, but I’ve not had a second.” She pressed her lips to my throat and then my cheek before finally, my temple. “And for the record, I love you too, Charlie Wyatt.”
