“I think that’s probably a good idea,” I admit. Then she hugs me, and I actually hug her back. Before I walk through the door, I look back. “Holly? Buy the dress,” I tell her.
I exit through the tux shop because I don’t feel like answering a million questions from the girls. But I forgot Holly said the guys are in there. And two of those guys are Ben and Gavin.
I run into Ben first.
“Hey,” he says, and I stop so abruptly I think I leave skid marks on the floor.
“Hey,” I say back.
“Having fun over there?” he nods.
I force a smile. “Yeah. Loads.”
“Cool,” he nods.
“Yeah.”
Then his eyes narrow a little. “You feeling okay?” he asks.
“Yeah, I’m just a little hot. It’s warm in there. I need some fresh air.”
He nods. I give him a half-wave and make a break for the door. My heart is racing a mile a minute, and I know I’m on the cusp of a full-on panic attack.
“Charlotte?” Gavin’s voice comes from behind me, and I stop again. And so does my jackrabbiting heart.
Slowly, I turn around. “I’m fine,” I answer the question before he has the opportunity to ask it.
“No, you’re not,” he says, jogging over to me. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost. What happened back there?”
“It’s nothing,” I shake my head and wave, attempting and failing to smile.
“No, it’s not,” he presses. “You’re crying. Talk to me,” he says. That’s when I realize, he’s right. The tears burning the backs of my eyes stream unapologetically down my cheeks.
“It’s everything. It’s trying to make everything perfect. It’s hoping it’s all coming together even though it feels like everything is out of control,” I say.
“But everything has been perfect,” Gavin says as he approaches me in a tux. “Perfect for Ben and Holly. What feels like it’s out of control?”
“My life,” I cry. “Nobody gets it. Nobody sees it. While I’m checking every detail off a list to make sure that everyone else is happy and gets what they want and need, my life is unraveling,and I don’t even know why. I don’t know why it suddenly bothers me seeing other people so happy. That used to be my favorite part of this job, and now I just find myself being selfishly jealous. Which is ridiculous. It’s just a dress…just a stupidly perfect dress. I’d wear it myself, except I’m always the planner and never the bride.”
As if my word vomit isn’t enough, I am officially sobbing. But Gavin isn’t put off. He doesn’t seem to mind at all. Instead, he just pulls me against him, and because I am such a hot mess right now, I let him.
I cry into his chest, into a tux he doesn’t own about a dress I’ll never wear. Neither of us says anything until my tears are dry and the shaking has stopped. When I finally pull away, I feel drained. My skin is all blotchy and my nose is running.
“Here,” he says, pulling the handkerchief from his tuxedo jacket pocket and handing it to me. Olive green, of course.
“I’ll get it all messy,” I sniff.
“You can’t make it look any worse,” he jokes, and it actually makes me laugh.
“I’m a mess,” I say, dabbing my eyes with the hideous hanky.
“Maybe so,” he says. “But you’re beautiful, even if you are a mess.”
“Thanks,” I say. “You’re not so bad either. Even if your tie is the color of a used hanky.”
We both laugh and honestly, I feel a little bit better.
Chapter 23
