“Still, I wouldn’t call the tongue lashing he gave you nothing, but he is definitely not an enemy in the relationship,” she says.
“That doesn’t mean I like him,” I say. “Can we stop phrasing it that way? We sound like we’re in middle school at a sleepover. If we are going to keep talking like that, then I’d rather stop talking about him. I’d be happy to discuss The Vampire Diaries and which Salvatore brother is better.”
“Damon, obviously,” she says. “Fine. We can use different verbiage, but you do have feelings for Gavin.”
“I do not,” I say immediately.
“Well, something is going on because you’re flustered around him,” she says.
“That’s because he drives me nuts!” I argue.
“Ha!” Josie points at me. “You just said he doesn’t always drive you nuts, and that sometimes he’s not a dick, but is actually pleasant. So regardless of your mood or what he’s saying ordoing, he still gets you all flustered. You get all giddy around him, and that means you have feelings for him!”
“Says who?!”
“Says everyone!” she laughs. “If you stop thinking about vampire men, you’ll see what I’m talking about.”
My friend knows me and knows me well. She is on a roll, but I’m not buying it. I shake my head and stand up, grabbing a pile of clothes. “Say what you want, Jo, but I think we are just going to have to agree to disagree.” I head down the hall to my room, but I can hear Josie’s footsteps behind me.
“Would it really be so bad, Char? Loosening up? Having fun with him? Having fun with all of this? Would it be the worst thing in the world to just chill out for once?” she asks.
I shove my clothes in my drawer and slam it shut. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what it sounds like it means. You are never chill.”
“I am too…” I trail off. Even as I say it, I know it’s a lie. “Or I could be. If I wanted to be.”
“So do it,” she says. “I mean, Gavin is chill,”
“Painstakingly so,” I drone.
“And the bride and groom are chill,” she adds.
“Thank you for not saying his name,” I say.
“You know what? I have a challenge for you. I want you to find one detail of the wedding that you and Gavin don’t butt heads on,” she says, and I blurt out a laugh.
“Yeah, right.”
“No, I mean it. Prove you can be chill working on the wedding plans with him. If you actually agree on things without butting heads, who knows, maybe you’ll see a new side of him. You might even discover a new side of yourself too.”
* * *
Whether I like it or not, Josie’s words stick with me.
I’ve never really seen my OCD as a problem. I know I’m type-A, anxious, and over-analyze. I can see how it can be off-putting. If it’s off-putting to others, maybe I am holding myself back too.
When it’s time to figure out music for the wedding, I let Gavin suggest where we meet up. I don’t just let him suggest a place; I ride with him. I sit quietly in the truck while he drives us to the destination of his choice.
“This was very trusting of you,” he says as we approach the entrance of the brick building in the alley.
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I trust you? It’s called The Classy Joint,” I say, and my words fall short when we walk inside. “It’s a dive bar.”
“Is that a problem?” he asks.
I am anxious and trying not to sweat. When I sweat, I break out in hives. The last thing I want is to give the impression that I’m allergic to being chill about things.
“Not at all,” I say as he leads me to a table. I force a smile, doing my best not to judge the sticky wood floors, the paint peeling on the walls, or the cook’s face tattoos. “I have one question though,” I say as he pulls out a chair for me.
