“Yeah. Pretty much,” he answers.
“So…all this bullshit going on between us can be put to rest?” I ask. “You know I hate when things are good between us.”
“I’m putting it behind me,” he says. “Like it never happened.”
“Well, that’s a relief,” I say, lifting my glass to take a sip.
“Under one condition,” he adds.
Fuck. I KNEW it couldn’t be that easy.
“What?” I hiss.
“Talk to Charlotte,” he says.
“Not gonna happen,” I shake my head.
“You are so fucking stubborn,” he scoffs. I sit up straight, setting my glass on the desk, and not gently.
“I’mstubborn?”
“Yes,” he snaps back.
“Son, I recommend you remind yourself who you’re talking to,” I warn him.
But Ben doesn’t back down. “And I recommend you remind yourself that you’re human. You’ve spent half your life alone, and when you finally meet someone good for you, you’re too stubborn to accept it.”
“I’m done with her because she’s your ex, and it’s not appropriate,” I fight back.
“Charlotte and I have already talked everything through. I don’t care if you date her. Just don’t give me all the dirty details,” he says. I clench my jaw, looking away.
“We aren’t dating. Not anymore,” I say.
“Because she’s not mom?” he asks. “And the idea of loving someone else intimidates you?”
It strikes a nerve hard. “Of course it intimidates me! It scares the shit out of me! That girl woke something up in me that I didn’t know was asleep. Something that I thought died with your mom. And then I let my guard down for two fucking seconds and I got my heart broken.”
“So you are just using me as an excuse,” he says, and I work back the emotion by clenching my jaw.
“She’s pregnant,” I say, even though Ben already knows that. “She’s pregnant with my child.”
“And that’s a bad thing?” he asks.
“Listen. You don’t know what it was like. Raising you guys was no picnic. No offense. And I don’t know if I can do it again.”
“Yeah, but you did it mostly alone before,” Ben points out. “This time, you wouldn’t be alone.”
“Assuming nothing happens to her,” I say. My heart clenches in my chest, and I suddenly realize that I am saying things I didn’t even know I was feeling.
“Is that what you’re afraid of? Living through the same thing again? Dad, I don’t think that’s going to happen.”
“Yeah, but you don’t know,” I say. “I never dreamed, even in my worst nightmares, that we’d lose her. And yet, here we are. I wouldn’t survive losing someone again.”
I shove up from my chair and turn my back to Ben, running my hand through my hair.
“If I’m being honest, Dad, I don’t know if you’ll survive being alone either,” Ben says. “After everything came to light, I thought about all the times Holly and I were around you two, planning wedding shit. All the times I had no idea that something was going on between you. And while it upset me at first to think about, I realized just how good together you two are. How you changed around her. It’s like a light came on. A light I haven’t seen in years. Not since–”
“I know,” I cut him off. Then my voice softens a little. “I noticed it too.”
