I curl into myself, tucking my legs under me and hunching forward. Yelena frowns, disapproving at my bad posture. “What was he like? My father?”
“You really want to know?”
“You never talked about him when I was growing up. Whenever I asked, you said he was a powerful man and changed the subject.”
She stubs out the cigarette, curses to herself in Russian, and lights another. “The truth is, your father was a bastard. I hated him for sending me off to raise you, and then I came to despise him for still drawing breath. I’m glad he’s gone. I wish I had killed him myself. Is that honest enough?”
A thousand questions hit me all at once. Yelena seems tired and older than I remember. I open my mouth to speak, but she gestures firmly at my plate and narrows her eyebrows. I know what that means.Eat first, talk after.
Reluctantly, I obey, since I know better than to argue when it comes to dinner.
“Why didn’t you want to raise me?” I ask once my plate is nearly cleared.
She gets up and refills our tea. “I never wanted children. I love you now more than life itself, but back then I was a mess. I was a member of your father’s Bratva, but I was never an insider because I was a woman. I wanted respect and power, and instead I got shipped off to play mommy to a baby I didn’t even know. It took me time to get used to my situation.”
“What changed?”
“You did, Nikusha. Don’t look at me with those big, sad eyes, little girl. You mean more to me than anything and I thank God your father sent me with you back then. Otherwise, I’d probably be dead by now, at the rate I was going.” She grins ruefully. “Raising you was the best thing I did with my life. I mean that.”
I nod, unable to speak, and quickly start eating again. When I calm down, I sit back and sip tea, my plate clear.
“Tell me why I shouldn’t hate Gabriel for what he did.” I whisper it, watching the only person in this whole world I trust. She nods to herself and lights another cigarette.
“He told me where things stand with you two. And believe me, I didn’t let him off easy. He should have said something from the start. He should have been clear with you. That’s what I wanted.”
“But he wasn’t.”
“No, he wasn’t, and I’m sorry for that.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“But it is, because I’m the one who told him about you. I’m the one who told him to do what he did. I’m the one who told him to marry you, to take care of you. I put all this—“ She gestures around her. “Into motion and now it’s like the wheels have come off.”
I take that in, coldness seeping into my bones. I put down my teacup. “Why would you do that?”
“Gabriel is going to be the next Dragon. Your cousin will fight him, but I believe Gabe will win. When that happens, you will be one of the most powerful people in the world, but more than that, Gabriel will have a wife who can ground him. He needs you, Nikusha, the same way you need him.”
“He killed my dad. Heliedto me about it.”
“And he better make that right somehow. But the truth is, if he hadn’t killed your father, I would have. Your father was a sick man, a vicious, violent gangster. He was a murderer, a rapist, and a thief. He deserved what Gabriel did to him and likely much worse. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth. Gabriel’s only real sin is keeping it from you.”
I let her words roll over me. I’m not sure how I feel. If my father really was that bad, is it such a bad thing that he’s dead? If even Aunt Yelena thinks Gabe did the right thing in killing my father, can I really hold it against him?
Even now, I’m torn in half. One part of me wishes I could’ve known my father, while the other knows I would’ve hated him,even based entirely on the men he sent to control me. My father gave me barely enough to survive and used me for legal cover. I was tossed aside, hidden away, and treated like a rubber stamp.
“What am I going to do, Tyotya? I don’t know what I’m going to do. I feel so angry.”
“That’s good. You should be angry. But know, Gabriel is a man, flawed like any other, but I’m behind him because I believe in him. Since we met, he has done nothing but treat me with respect. His word is iron and he lives up to all his promises. He has made mistakes, Lord knows, but he’s a good man. He’s nothing like your father ever was.”
“Gabe’s a bad man though. He’s doing bad things. He’s a killer like my father.”
Yelena considers me. “You’re right, Gabe’s a bad man, but not all bad men are the same. Your father was the kind of man who would cross any line to get what he wants. He was the kind of man who would kill and slaughter and maim for his own personal gain. But Gabe’s the kind of bad man who would wade through blood to keep his word and to protect those he swore to keep safe. That’s the difference between them. Your father would burn the world for himself. Gabe would burn it for you.”
Everything she’s saying makes sense. My father’s death aside, Gabe’s been straightforward with me about our relationship. He has risked himself to keep me safe more than once, in the forest, at the motel, and again down at the beach. I’ve seen the way he treats his men, not necessarily with kindness, but with respect. Even Daniel said the same thing.
“Why haven’t you been here? And why are you back now?” My voice is small and quiet. My head’s a conflicted mess. My heart feels like it wants to break.
She puts out her cigarette and pushes the pack away. “I’ve been stabilizing our power base back in Moscow. But Gabe told me what happened, and I knew you’d need me.”
