The front door opened and a moment later, Aspen came bounding into the bedroom, his leash trailing behind him. Théo followed, cheeks flushed from the cold, his hair windswept.
“You look constipated,” he observed. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Liar.” He crossed the room and stopped in front of me, tilting his head. “You’re spiraling. I can see it.”
“I’m not—”
“You are.” He sat down beside me on the bed, close enough that our shoulders touched. “What is it? Nervous about the trip?”
I shook my head.
“Worried about Aspen? Because I promise I won’t let him eat anything weird. You’ll be a good boy while daddy’s away, won’t you?”
“It’s not Aspen.”
“Is it me?”
I didn’t answer. Which was answer enough.
He sighed and leaned into me, his head dropping to my shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere, Derek.”
“I know. I’m being stupid…”
“I promised, didn’t I?” He found my hand and laced our fingers together. “I’ll be here when you get back. Wearing your clothes. Sleeping in your bed. Snuggling with your dog.”
I turned to look at him. His expression was unguarded in a way I rarely saw—soft and uncertain and hopeful all at once.
“When I get back,” I said, “we should talk. About what this is. About… Avery.”
“Avery.” He winced. “Yeah. Probably.”
“Not right now. But soon.”
“Soon,” he agreed.
I kissed him—slow and sweet, trying to pour everything I couldn’t say into it. When I pulled back, he was smiling. Just a little. Just enough.
“Go catch your flight, daddy,” he said. “Aspen and I will hold down the fort.”
“You’re never going to let that go, are you?”
“Never.” He stood and pulled me to my feet. “Now get out of here before I do something stupid like make you late with a blowjob.”
I grabbed my suitcase and headed for the door. At the threshold, I looked back.
He was standing in the middle of my apartment, Aspen at his feet, wearing my hoodie and a fragile expression he was trying very hard to hide.
“I’ll call you,” I said. “Every night.”
His smile was soft, almost shy and it made him look his age. “I’d like that.”
I left before I could change my mind.
32. Théo
I had my first therapy appointment with Alice.
