I pulled my pants on so fast I almost stumbled.
“Please, just talk to me.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
I yanked my arms through my sleeves. “Because I can’t exist. Not like this, not outside of this place.”
“We can talk about that. If it needs to stay here for a while, then—”
“Forever, Benny.” I snapped. “It needs to stay like this forever.”
His brows pinched together, and my heart was tearing inside my chest, trying to leave me to be with him instead. I’d let it if I could. I knew he’d care for it.
“We can talk about it.” His voice was softer. Smaller.
“There’s nothing to talk about. Nothing can change.”
I marched for the door and he followed, grabbing my wrist to stop me. I turned to face him, seeing the pain in his expression. “You’re sayin’ you don’t feel it too? This was all just… pretend to you?”
You can’t have him. He’ll be happier without you.
“Yes.” I lied.
He released his hold on me. “Then why are you cryin’?”
Slowly his hand raised to cup my cheek again, his thumb swiping away traitorous tears. I turned into his touch.Weak.
“Talk to me,” he whispered. “If… if you need help—”
I pulled away, yanking the door open and slamming it behind me as I ran toward the exit before he could get dressed and catch up to me. He’d already put himself in enough danger with Tristan for me. I couldn’t let him get anywhere near my father. I had to keep him safe, which meant I had to leave.
Ivan had a Shadow fetch my things quickly, and I tapped my foot anxiously as I waited for them. I almost gave up and left them behind before the Shadow appeared with the box, my coat, and my helmet.
“Sir, if something has happened, we can—”
I opened the door and closed it before he finished speaking, taking the stairs two at a time to get up to the street.
Cold air greeted me.
I regretted now that I always parked my bike a few blocks away from the club, just to be sure no one could locate me if they found it. I ran until I was out of view from the entrance. Then my vision blurred with tears too much to see.
You hurt him. You never should have done this.
You can’t have him!
My chest ached. My vision blurred further. My mind ran rampant with self-hate. With all the ways I should have handled this before I hurt him.
What was supposed to happen now? I couldn’t keep seeing him. But I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.
It wasn’t pretend for me either. I knew that now. That what I felt for him was far too big to be contained in that underground club. He existed with me outside of it already. Not physically, butin my mind, in my heart. He was under my skin before I’d even noticed it, and now, I didn’t know how to get him out.
It wasn’t fair. But I was too weak to do anything about it. I couldn’t be like Logan. Dad wouldn’t let me. I was the heir. There was no one else to replace me. It was why he was harder on me than he’d ever been on Logan.
Coward.
I stopped, staring at the ground at my feet, my mind urging me forward while my heart pulled me back. I wasn’t strong enough to fight either of them, yet they both couldn’t exist together. It was too much. I wasn’t strong enough.
