Are you okay, though?
Breathe.You’re in control.
5:26 p.m. H:
I just want to see you.
5:26 p.m. B:
[blushing emoji]
5:26 p.m. B:
You can see me anytime you want.
No, I can’t.
fourteen
Harper
OUT OF CONTROL.
I’d always had a plan. Every session, every interaction, was thought out ahead of time. Even last Friday, before I’d arrived to see Benny restrained and the plan had changed, I’d had control.
I didn’t feel in control now.
I’d left nothing but the blindfold for him. No toys. No plan.
I shouldn’t be here.
I shouldn’t have finished work and rushed home to shower so I could be here, presentable for him, when he couldn’t even see me. I should have just gone for a ride, like I usually did when I needed to unwind.
He was sitting perfectly still. Waiting for my move. My instruction. Naked. Kneeling. Blindfolded. Perfect.
I wasn’t making him wait to test his obedience this time. We were beyond that. I was making him wait because I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t thought this far ahead. I’d just needed to see him, hear him.
His presence was soothing,and I didn’t know what to do with that. This could never be more than it was. He didn’t even know who I was, what I looked like.
What if everything changes?
Seconds. Minutes. Frozen with indecision.
I shouldn’t be here.
I can’t leave.
His lips parted. Closed. Words swallowed before they escaped. His bottom lip pulled between his teeth.
“Speak.”
He swallowed, releasing his lip, and his tongue darted out to wet it. “A-are you alright?”
He was blindfolded, yet he couldseeme. Clearer than anyone else. How? When I’d worked so hard to shield myself from everyone, how could he still get through?
Why did I want him to?
You can’t have him.
