Like a romantic partner?
I paced around the small breakroom at the gym, knowing he wouldn’t even see my message for hours. God, what if he wasmarried? I knew some people had open relationships. He wouldn’t be a cheater. Maybe his partner didn’t have the same interests, so he met people through the club for that. What if that was why he would barely touch me? Because the agreement he had with his partner was that he could only watch and not get physically involved.
04:26 p.m. B:
I’m sorry, I need to know.
We weren’t dating, I knew that. And we’d had no discussion about whether we were meeting with other people.
I stared at my screen like I could will him to respond faster, the minutes ticking by until I decided to at leasttryto distract myself while I waited for his text.
It didn’t work. I spent the rest of the day wiping down equipment and cleaning things that were already clean. Stress cleaning, my ma called it. She did it too. But it didn’t take my mind off H, or the possibility that this could never be anything more than it currently was. Would I still be interested in that? For now, maybe, but eventually I’d want something more. No, I was getting attached already.
Then I was home, cleaning my kitchen and pretending I wasn’t staring at the clock.
At seven fifty, I gave up and just stared at my phone, waiting for it to buzz.Please don’t be married. Please don’t have someone already.
“What are you waiting for?” A low voice in my ear caused me to jolt upright, clutching my chest as my heart pounded.
“You scared the shit outta me!”
Rikky chuckled. For a big guy, he definitely knew how to move quietly. He was almost as tall as me—around six foot four—and just as ripped as any fighter I’d known. I regretted giving him his own key when he did shit like this.
At seven fifty-eight, we had beers in hand as Rikky complained to me about his stepsibling.
“Most infuriating little shit, and my family thinksI’mthe reckless one.” He paused. “You aren’t listening, are you?”
“Hmm?” I pulled my eyes away from my phone. “I’m listenin’.”
“Who are you expecting?”
I chewed my lip. The Veil had that whole secrecy thing, but it wasn’t like I was actually giving him anyone’s identity. Plus, Rikky was a member… or something. He knew Shady somehow, and about the club, so maybe it was okay to tell him.
“I met someone.”
“Okay.” He put his beer down. “Tell me.”
“It’s not serious.Well, we’re not datin’. I met him through the club.” My heart thundered in my chest, like I was a kid experiencing his first crush rather than a thirty-year-old athlete.Formerathlete.
Rikky nodded, rolling his eyes when I didn’t continue. “I gathered that on my own. Tell me.”
Eight p.m.
Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out.
“He’s… everythin’ I was hoping for. Like, it’s not even that he didn’t care I’m… me, but I’m like his actual type or somethin’. I’m what he put in his appearance preferences. It’s wild.”
“You always talk about yourself like this. Like you are some freak of nature or ugly and can’t believe someone is into you. You are a very sexy man. You need to be more confident.”
I huffed. “I’m flattered, Rikky, but I don’t think it would work between us.”
He grabbed the tissue box from the end of the kitchen bench and threw it at me. “Stop deflecting. You think I’m saying this because I’m nice? I am not nice. If you were ugly, I would tell you.”
“Yeah, well, you’re very sexy too.”
“Okay.”
I laughed.
