Rikky had been new to Harborview too. He didn’t have any friends, except for his brother, and he’d lingered around the center watching us play basketball until I dragged him in to play with us.
He was a few years younger than me, but it had never felt that way. I’d brought him home for dinner the way I often did withthe kids I met, and my ma cooked for him like she did for anyone I brought home.
While others came and went, Rikky stayed.
“I miss her cooking. I will try to visit soon.”
“You’re missin’ the point.”
“You are annoyed your gym is doing well.”
“No, I’m annoyed I don’t have anythin’ to do. I feel like… I’m just in the way or somethin’.”
“These things take time, no? Your life is not what you expected right now. That’s okay. Fighting was your passion. You just need to find a new one.”
Rikky, always the voice of reason. Sometimes I just liked to bitch about things, but he always had a solution ready.
“Why not try dating again?”
“You sure you haven’t been around my mother?” I scoffed. Lately, all she talked about was my injury. It had given me a break from the constant, “When are you going to settle down with a nice boy or girl and give me more grandbabies?” conversation.
“Why not? It has been, what? Two years since Oliver? And nothing since then.”
“Dating is… complicated.”
“Well, now you have the time to figure it out.”
It wasn’t like I hadn’t thought about it, but my career had only been half the obstacle when it came to finding someone.
“I don’t know. You know what I’m like, what I’m… into. People take one look at me and assume I’m somethin’ else. It’s tirin’. I don’t think I can deal with anyone’s expectations right now.”
We fell into an easy silence, sipping our beers in my kitchen. I didn’t see a solution. Beyond my reputation as a fighter, both guys and girls would take one look at my height and build and just make assumptions about what I was into. What I was like in bed. They wanted me to take control, to be dominant, but itjust wasn’t my thing. I’d tried with Oliver, and with my girlfriend Isabella before him. I’d tried to be what they wanted me to be, and it just felt so draining. I had an image to uphold in the cage, and I’d built my career on being intimidating. But it was a show, an act. I didn’t want to act in a relationship. I just wanted to be myself.
“What if you could meet someone without seeing them? Anonymously?”
“Like not puttin’ my picture on datin’ apps?”
“No. Something more… intentional. I know this guy, goes by Shady. He runs a club for high-profile people. It’s secretive, but he matches people based on specific interests. Maybe it could work for you?”
“What, like a kink club?”
“Something like that.”
Wasn’t the first time something like that had crossed my mind, but looking into it previously had just been so intimidating. Plus, I had my reputation to worry about. I was recognizable. For some reason, the public was interested in what I did with my life and time. I wasn’t sure how much that would change now I was retired, but I still got caught by reporters occasionally. “What do you mean it’s for high-profile people?”
“Celebrities. Rich people. High-profile.”
Interesting.
“Okay… but… let’s say I try it, and I can match with someone based on interests and not appearance… won’t they be… disappointed when they’re expectin’ someone submissive and they see me?”
“Hey.” Rikky put his beer down on the marble countertop, his light brown eyes boring into mine. “Listen to me, Benny. There isnothingwrong with looking the way you do and being submissive. Maybe some people want a small body to throwaround, but there are many people out there. You only need one good one.”
He was right. I wasn’t the type for casual hookups. If I was going to try dating again, and I managed to meet someone who would accept me how I was, then I was ready to give them all of me. “How do I sign up?”
Rikky gave me a wolfish grin. “I will talk to Shady and get you in.”
six
