“You have to.” My voice was incapable of escaping me any louder than a whisper.
“No.” He sniffed.
“Benny.”
“Harper.”
So he’d found my name too.
“You don’t understand,” I pleaded.
“So explain it to me.”
“This… I… I can’t.”
“Why?”
There were so many reasons. Reasons I couldn’t put into words, because they hurt too much. Because the way he looked at me would change. Because he’d leave, andIneeded to be the one to end this, so I could pretend it was my choice.
I shoved at his chest. He didn’t budge.
“No. Not this time.” He stepped in closer. “No more lyin’, no more pushin’ me away, and no more runnin’.”
“Go away.” I choked on the words, because I didn’t have the strength to say or do anything else.
“I would, if I believed you really wanted me to.”
“I do.”
“Then you’re lyin’ to yourself too.”
Of course I was. I had to.
My throat tightened until I couldn’t breathe. I needed him to leave. Now. Because if he didn’t then I wasn’t strong enough to fight this anymore. I wasn’t strong enough to resist him.
If he wouldn’t believe my lies, then I’d scare him away with the truth.
“I hurt someone.” I swallowed. My eyes locked onto his, because I needed to see the disgust when I told him what I’d done, so I could let that image burn into my brain and stop me from ever reaching for him again. “I killed someone.” My voice was oddly calm as I braced for his reaction.
His brow twitched, eyes looking between mine, trying to determine if I was lying again. He inhaled deeply, yet there was still no fear or disgust in his expression. “Okay.”
Okay? That was all he had to say?
“I’m serious. I killed someone the night I left you.”
Benny just stared, his mind processing. Then understanding dawned. He exhaled. “Tristan.”
I flinched at the name.
A large, warm hand caressed my shoulder so gently it stung. “What did he do to you?”
My vision blurred. Tears he swiped away before they had a chance to streak down my cheeks.
My mouth opened. Closed. Searching for words that refused to come to me. My silence seemed to answer his question, though. His soft expression morphed into rage. His jaw ticked. His teeth clenched. The hand that wasn’t resting so gently on my shoulder tightened into a fist.
It seemed to pain him to keep it inside and not unleash it, but he managed. He tried to speak. It took a couple of attempts before the words finally came out. “If I had… if I’d just chasedafter you… then I could have done it. So you wouldn’t have to carry the weight of it.”
My brow pinched. What did he mean by that? “You would have…”
