That was less difficult.
“His name is Benny.” I sniffed. “Forrester.”
Matthew scowled. “He’s that boxer.”
I huffed. “Close. MMA.”
“They’re all the same.”
I didn’t agree, but I wasn’t going to argue with Matthew over it.
“He treats you well, though?”
“He did. But I didn’t treat him very well.”
Matthew shook his head. “I know that isn’t possible. You’ve always been the hardest on yourself.”
“I hurt him. He… told me he had feelings for me… and I just ran away. I left him. He’ll be better off without me.”
“You speak about yourself like you’re this cruel, irredeemable thing. But you’re not. You’re just young and learning how to love. It’s going to be messy sometimes, it always is, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth doing.”
My eyes flicked down to the blanket, watching as my fingers twirled through the fur. “I can’t. And even if I could, you know what I’ve done. I can’t keep that a secret from him, and I can’t tell him either.”
“You told me.”
“You made me.”
Matthew chuckled. “Yes.” His hand covered mine. “But you’ve always been perceptive. It doesn’t take you long to figure people out. You’ve been like that since you were small. Trust yourself. If it feels right, then trust him too. And if he betrays you… then I’ll be a murderer as well.”
I laughed and rolled my heavy eyes. “I won’t make a murderer out of you, Matthew. Besides, I’m not going to speak with him again.”
“Well, for what it’s worth, you have my full support. And if you want to fight for him, then I’ll fight with you.”
I shook my head. “No. If you do anything, my father won’t tolerate it. He barely toleratesme. Your job would—”
“It’s just a job, and you never have been to me. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
My head hurt from the number of emotions I’d been through in one day. Each time I’d believed I’d been emptied of them, somehow more would emerge.
I hugged Matthew, and he hugged me, his hand rubbing my back soothingly. “I am so very proud of you.”
No one had ever said that to me before.
twenty-five
Benny
SNAP. SPAR. SANITIZE?
It had been six months since I’d last seen Harper, and a month since I’d accidentally learned his identity.
Rachel had been watching some boring work conference on her laptop at the table before dinner, and I’d walked past and almost had a heart attack at seeing his perfect face on the screen. Then it all clicked into place.
It had been increasingly difficult not to do anything with that information. I knew where he worked now, and it took an incredible amount of self-restraint not to steal my sister’s security pass, march myself to Lorens Towers, and find him.
I’d likely be escorted off the premises long before I managed to find his office, but still, it was tempting.
It had also been increasingly difficult to hear my sister talk about work—and her boss, the man I’d still not moved on from. Not even close. Of course, Rachel didn’t know about that, and I tried to be logical with my emotions, but the sadness and grief of losing him had turned into anger that I wasn’t able to do anything about it. To obsession as I replayed everything in my mind and came up with a hundred different ways I could havehandled myself better that day. I should have chased after him. I should have fought for him.
