Elizabeth’s shoulders sagged with the knowledge, feeling forlorn and defeated. Nothing, not one of her moments with Caspian might have been genuine. The bite that had sent her spiraling into pleasure had been a perversion of her senses and emotions.
She wondered exactly how much had been real, and how much of it had been a lie.
***
Elizabeth left the city later than she had anticipated and was given work to take home by Risna. On parting, it had been impressed upon her, once again, that as someone without witch blood in her veins, she would be lucky to master the simplest of things.
She returned home just as the sky had begun to darken, and if Fiza’s hurried nature was anything to go by, she was going to be late to dinner. She didn’t have time to bathe properly, but Fiza helped her wash and dress.
Elizabeth ate in silence, spending her time forging her walls and imagining what they would look like. Her antechamber was white-walled, like the entrance to the queen’s palace in Calyx, and had a vase of flowers on a table, like the entry hall of her parents’ home. If she were to make a hall for her thoughts, she wanted it to look nice.
She practiced holding the walls up and thinking of nothing else. When she got distracted, however, she lost the image. She tried to think about other things while simultaneously holding up her walls, and a headache started to develop. She could either fixate on the walls in her mind or her surroundings, but not both.
Once she finished her venison stew, she excused herself and retired to the library. She sat in the alcove by the high windows, staring out at the mountains and the night sky, picturing towering white walls that kept all darkness at bay.
A tall figure entered the library. She had sensed him before he arrived—an aura that was heat and darkness. She opened her eyes to see him standing before her.
“Hello, Elizabeth.”
She broke her concentration, and looked up. “Hello, Caspian.”
“You were rather quiet at dinner.”
“Was there something you wanted to speak of?” she asked curiously.
“No, I just wanted to see if you were alright.”
“I’m perfectly well, thank you.”
He paused, considering. “I do wonder where it is you go all the time.”
Luckily, she had an answer planned out. “I like to go riding in the mornings, as you know, and sometimes I like to go into town and look at shops for new clothesand books,” she said, spinning half-truths. She couldn’t bring herself to feel bad, especially when he looked bored and unsurprised by her reply.
“Be that as it may, I hope you take a guard or at least a chaperone if you were to do these things.” He touched her chin, lifting her eyes to his, and smiled. “It wouldn’t do to lose my favourite possession.”
She assumed he thought the gesture was comforting and protective, but all she felt was condescension.
Liar. Manipulator.
“Understood, Caspian.”
“Would you like to take a turn about the garden?” he asked, surveying her carefully.
She plastered a demure smile on her face. “It’s getting late. I should return to my chambers.”
“Of course, Elizabeth,” he nodded, withdrawing.
He extended an arm that she took gracefully.
She thought furiously of white walls, but no assault on her mind came as he led her up the steps to her chamber.
Caspian led her to her room and glanced at her with a question in his eyes.
“Goodnight,” she said firmly.
Caspian turned and departed, striding swiftly down the hall.
It wasn’t just his appearance; she felt like her bodyrecognizedhis. Everything from his smell to his very presence attracted her to him more than she had ever been attracted to any man in her life. When they had gone riding together, and he smelled of dirt and sweat, she wanted nothing more than to bury her face in his chest.
