Maybe this was how things were supposed to be and I just missed every single sign the universe gave me that Logan wasn’t the right person.
I wasn’t ready to get in a relationship and obviously these guys being athletes, who probably had contracts here in Nashville, weren't either.
But if dating again would be anything like this, I wouldn’t mind giving it a try at some point.
Maybe.
Tuesday
I made a face in the mirror as I took off another outfit. Nothing was right. Nothing looked right. Nothing felt right. My lip quivered and I tried not to cry as I looked through my clothes.
It wasn’t me wanting to look good for these alphas. I'd woken up not feeling at home in my own skin–something that happened from time to time.
When we went out to lay out by the pool, this morning after breakfast, I didn't even bother to wear a bathing suit. I just wore shorts and a tank, ignoring the aunties’ comments about tan lines, and I didn’t go for a morning swim either.
Now here I was trying to dress for an activity where I didn’t even know what we were doing.
I’d messaged Steven and he only told me to wear comfortable shoes. What did that even mean? We could be doing practically anything.
Calm down. You’re just going on an activity.
Okay, I’d start with comfortable shoes. I had some comfy checkered slip-ons Auntie detested. Yes, those would work.
While I had several cute outfits to wear, I didn’t feel cute in them. The dysphoria was hitting and I decided to be more comfy than anything else today. I put on some cargo shorts and a loose T-shirt. Not items Auntie had packed for me or bought–things that I had snuck in–old favorites that felt more like home. I really wanted to wear a hoodie, but it was hot and sticky today.
I stuffed everything in my new mini backpack and grabbed some sunglasses. My hair was bothering me, so I took all of it and put it up in a messy bun.
Auntie Kiki and Auntie Mimi were in the living room. Their eyes flickered over me in judgment.
“It’s not a date, we're just going out and doing tourist shit.” I was feeling grumpy today, too. Even if it was a date, if they couldn’t handle my trash panda they didn’t get my cuteness.
I’d also gotten an update from Leigh of some of the mean things my former friends were saying about me. Apparently, the new place they were staying in wasn’t nearly as nice. It cost more money. And wrecking other plans they’d had. Everything was just my fault for ruining all their fun.
Yep, that was me. The fun ruiner.Suck my dick.
I went down to the lobby and looked around to see if maybe I’d spot that woman from last night. Claire. She was really nice.
Steven messaged me.
Steven
We’re pulling up to the front of the hotel.
I came outside feeling more self-conscious than ever, as I saw the people in nice outfits waiting for their cars or getting out of them
A giant truck pulled up. The window rolled down.
“Going our way?” Steven yelled like he was at a party and not a fancy hotel.
“Depends on where we’re going. I’m definitely not dressed for fancy,” I confessed, really hoping thatcomfortable shoesmeant we were doing something casual.
Steven got out and opened the passenger door of the truck for me. He wore jeans, a T-shirt, and a baseball cap. Also, really expensive sneakers.
Okay, it looks like I’ll fit. Good.
“You can sit up front with Ash if you want. I just have long legs. I could also sit next to you if you’d like.” He gave me an apologetic look as I crawled into the back.
“I’m okay back here.”
