I laughed. “Hockey doesn’t work like that, Auntie. I like them a lot. Long distance would be hard,” I admitted. I’d thought a lot about what Leigh and Hayden had said yesterday.
“Long-distance is difficult, but if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.” Her eyes met mine. “Do you think it is?”
“Auntie Cookie is the one who said it was fate.” I ate my treat and finished my coffee.
“I see.” She nodded, giving me an appraising look over her teacup.
“I just have so many feelings for them–strong feelings–even though I haven’t known them very long. Maybe Auntie Cookie’s right and it is fate. When an omega has really strong feelings, quickly, for alphas, it usually means something. These feelings are totally different from what I felt for my ex. He felt safe, acceptable. These guys…” I exhaled heavily. “These guys feel like home.”
Auntie Kiki’s look softened. “Do they know you feel that way?”
“No, but I feel like that’s an in-person conversation. Since they’re going to visit me, we’ll have that talk then.” Part of me hated that it was so far away. But it’s not like I didn’t have plenty of classwork to occupy myself with.
“Why wait?” Her eyebrows rose.
“I’m not just going to fly to wherever they are and tell them.” I met her gaze.
“It doesn’t need to be in person if the time is right,” she replied with a shrug, reaching for another cookie.
I thought about that for a moment. “True. I should tell them how I feel and find out how they feel, before I get too worked up over anything.”
Not me wondering if I should change around class schedules for next semester to have the least amount of class days possible or look into the university’s policies for omegas.
She studied me. “You really don’t look good. You’re on those suppressants, aren’t you? Don’t they have side effects?”
“Yes, and yes. I looked at them carefully to make sure that they hadn’t been tampered with.” Unfortunately, I could see my ex doing that for funsies–take his sidepiece on my vacation and tamper with my heat suppressant so that I’d have a miserable time, having a heat without him.
Pretty sure this wasn’t a heat. Just a post-vacation cold.
“Maybe you should go to the campus clinic if you still don’t feel good–after class of course,” she replied.
“That's a good idea.” I sighed. “What if I do love them and they love me back? Could we make it work?”
“If they love you, they’ll support your career and won’t ask you to give things up and do what they need to do to make it work on their end. Yes, there will be compromise, but it shouldn’t be only you doing the compromising, or the work,” she told me.
That made sense. If it did work and I ended up moving my research to be more convenient to where they were, that wasn’t giving anything up. That was me choosing an interesting project in a different biome than we have here in Hawai’i. Something I had contemplateddoing anyway, because Northern California did hold some interesting conservation opportunities.
There was the fact that even though it was hard for me to go back to Los Angeles, living there for free would be a huge asset while researching. My professor was encouraging me to choose projects different from what I’ve been doing in undergrad.
“You know, I did long distance with your uncle for three years while I was in nursing school. It made us love each other more. If it makes you love each other less, then you know they’re not the ones.” She took a sip of tea.
“Thank you, Auntie.” I finished my breakfast and put my dishes in the dishwasher. Then I grabbed my things and went to my car.
I really didn’t feel good and just wanted to crawl back into my bed with every blanket I owned and be a potato. Maybe have Ashton tell me a story. Even Steven’s sweatshirt didn’t help, but it didn’t smell like him anymore.
If we ended up doing some kind of long distance thing, could it include the mailing back-and-forth of sweatshirts that smelled like the both of them? I was really craving Ashton’s scent. I’d really like a flannel that smelled like him–a really soft one.
Maybe I should stay home today.
I started the car and headed towards campus. I think I’d just get through test prep and then come home and take a fat nap.
And maybe dream of those two.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Ashton
We finally landed in Hilo. It had been a massive undertaking to get here–Nashville to Los Angeles, Los Angeles to Honolulu, Honolulu to Hilo. Now to rent a car. It was mid-morning in Hawai’i.
