"We dated for two years. It was a good relationship. But ultimately, we wanted different things from life. She wanted to move to New York for her career, and I was getting ready to deploy for an extended period of time. We parted as friends with no regrets."
"And then you got married?"
"To someone completely different. Someone who wasn't into the lifestyle at all. My ex is a very independent, very successful lawyer. She balked at the idea of any BDSM elements being introduced into our marriage. She couldn’t get passed the way it’s portrayed in the media. She thinks anyone involved in the BDSM community are leather wearing, whip wielding, child abusing devil worshipers. I couldn’t convince her otherwise. I loved her and I thought I could set that part of myself aside. Be vanilla. Make it work. " He sighs. "That was a mistake. You can't ignore fundamental parts of who you are. Not long-term."
"Is that why you divorced?"
"Part of it. We also just grew apart. Wanted different things. She wanted someone home every night. As she advanced in the firm, she decided she wanted me to leave the Army and be a stay at home dad. She made enough money to support us, but I’m not the type. I couldn’t live off her income. I’m a provider and the thought…” He paused for a second before continuing. “Anyway,the lifestyle incompatibility was just another thing on a long list."
We reach a bench overlooking a small pond, and Tyler guides me to sit.
"What about you?" he asks. "When did you know you were a Little?"
"I don't know if I am. Officially, I mean. I've never labeled it."
"Labels don't matter. What matters is what feels right to you."
I think about it. "I've always felt younger than I am. Not immature exactly, but like there's this part of me that didn't grow up with the rest of me. The part that still gets excited about simple things. That wants to be taken care of sometimes. That needs reassurance and cuddles and someone to tell her everything's going to be okay. Like, when a kid is looking for an adult, I look around too… I mean, I know I’m an adult, but I look for a more adultier adult."
"That sounds like a Little to me."
"The girls in book club would agree. They've been hinting for months that I should explore it. Emily especially."
"Emily seems like a good friend."
"The best. She's been pushing me to take risks. To be honest about what I want." I look up at him. "I think she'd like you."
"Yeah?"
"She wants all of us to find our Daddies. Our happily ever afters. Lily and Ethan, Madison and Ty, Holly and Justin—they all have it. And Emily keeps saying the rest of us will find it too."
"The rest of you?"
"Me, Emily, Maya, Amber. We're the single ones left in the littles group. Well, I guess I'm not single anymore. Or am I? Is this—are we—" I'm rambling now.
Tyler cups my face, tilting it up to look at him. "Chloe. Breathe."
I take a shaky breath.
"We're whatever you want us to be. If you want to take this slow, explore the dynamic gradually, we do that. If you want to jump in with both feet, we do that. But I need to know what you're comfortable with."
"I want to try. But I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"Of being too much for you to handle, or like, being too needy. What if you realize I'm more work than I'm worth?"
"Hey." His voice goes firm. "Look at me."
I meet his eyes.
"You are not too much. You will never be too much. And taking care of you isn't work, it's a privilege I'd be honored to have."
"You keep saying perfect things."
"I'm saying true things. You deserve someone who sees your needs and wants to meet them. Not someone who makes you feel bad for having them."
"I want you to be that someone."
