I wait for her to tell me he’s fallen, or got whatever cold Rosie had over the week that I was gone. I have to fight my instincts as she takes her time, gathering her voice, and whipping her tears.
“William…” She sniffs. “He passed away yesterday.”
I stop breathing and the world moves in andout around me. I think Monica stands from her chair. Maybe she hugs me, I don’t know. There’s a floral scent, her perfume, maybe, and a soft practiced, ‘I’m so sorry,’lands somewhere near my ear but none of it sticks.
The ringing in my head swells, drowning everything out and Monica’s face is nothing more than a blur at the edges of my vision.
“What?” My lips move but I don’t recognize my voice. It’s cracked and muffled, like it’s coming from underwater.
“I said, I can take you to his apartment.” She blots her face with a tissue.
My throat feels like it’s closed up, but I force myself to swallow, and I’m suddenly aware of how tight my fists are clenched.
“Maverick?”
“I—” I shake my head, trying to make the room stop spinning.
“I think he left something for you, and it might be easier to say your goodbyes surrounded by his things rather than in here.”
I don’t remember the walk over or if we spoke again at all. I vaguely register something about, ‘It was peaceful,’ and ‘Sudden, but no pain.’ Before I know how I got here, I’m standing in the middle of William’s living room.
“I’ll give you some time, and I’ll be back in a little bit.”
I stand frozen at the spot for what feels like an hour before I finally put one foot in front of the other. William’s apartment is just how I imagined it would be. Clean, but lived in. A wooden bookshelf lines a wall filled with his paperbacks. Every table, shelf, and counter is decorated with photos of him and his wife and trinkets from their travels. I open a closet door, and my fingers trail over the leather of some of the most impressive heavyweight championship belts, and I’m not surprised because that’s the kind of man he was. Everything that was important to him, out in the open, andparts of his life, but not his entire life, are able to fit in a closet.
A beige sofa sits in the middle of the room, and like it beckoned me, I fall onto it. A small box and a single envelope marked “M” sit on the coffee table in front of me. I cover my mouth with my hand, looking around the room again, before holding my breath and reaching for the letter.
Kid,
I wanted to thank you for your friendship these last few months, and for reminding me what this life is all about. Now, I want you to take this as a reminder: The world’s full of people who never see past the gloves. Don’t let them tell you who you are.
-W
I tip the lid of the box with shaky fingers, and something in my chest cracks, loud and heavy. Inside, sits William’s gold chain necklace with the mini boxing glove pendant. I let out a harsh breath, dropping my head to my hand, and the envelope I was holding floats down to the ground.
My breaths start to border on panic as my legs bounce up and down beneath me. I pull in a measured breath through my nose, forcing myself to exhale slowly, and bend down, snatching the paper from the floor. The envelope sits heavy in my hand and takes me another breath to realize there’s something else inside it.
I pull out the Polaroid and I feel everything hit me at full force. My eyes burn, and my lungs struggle to breathe. The photo Chloe took of William and I shakes between my fingers. His smile is bigger than I’ve ever seen it, but it matches mine. My eyes are slightly closed because the grintakes up so much of my face, and my arm is draped over William’s as he clutches his book in his hand.
Nausea rolls up to my throat and I press my palms into my eyes, forcing back the tears because I know if I start, I won’t be able to stop.
“Hey, handsome,” Rosie says softly.
I don’t know if she has her walker today, I can’t bear to look up at her. The couch dips beside me, and once she wraps an arm around me, the damn breaks.
My chest heaves as I struggle for breath, and hot tears cover my face.
“Oh, honey, you meant so much to that man,” she whispers while patting my back.
“But I wasn't here…” My voice breaks. “I wasn’t here at the end when he needed…when he needed someone the most, I wasn’t—” I shake my head in disbelief, still not grasping that this is actually happening. “I never got to tell him how much he meant to me.”
Rosie wraps both her arms around me, pulling me in close. My body collapses into hers as my shoulders jerk, and my tears begin to soak through her shirt. This tiny woman holds all two hundred something pounds of me, rubbing slow circles across my back, as I let everything I’ve lost pour out of me in broken sobs. “He knew, honey,” she whispers. “He knew.”
I pull out of her arms, wiping my face with the collar of my shirt.
“Was he alone?” I manage to get out.
Her lips form a tight line, but she shakes her head. “The doctors knew he had a day or two. We made sure to keep him company.”
