“You’re scared.”
I step around him but he backs up. It’s just one small step, but I’ve never felt so much distance between us. His gaze falls to the space between our feet, unable to look me in the eyes.
“You’re scared,” I repeat, softer this time.
“I’m not?—”
“You are,” I cut him off. “You love me, and after all this time, you still have this idea in your head that if I see all ofyou, the real you, that I’ll walk away, or that I couldn’t possibly love you.” My breath shakes. “But I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” I reach for him and my hands tremble as I cup the sides of his neck. His skin is warm, and the stubble at his nape scrapes against my finger tips as I try to pull him in closer.
“Maverick,” I whisper, my voice cracking when he doesn’t budge. “I love you. I’ve always seen you for exactly who you are from the very beginning. And I love you.” I punctuate each word, despite the tear that has now broken free. I don’t care how it makes me look. He needs someone to fight for him now, and I love him enough to fight for the both of us.
He drops his head, gripping my wrists between his hands the same way I always do to him. “I’m not scared, Chloe.”
A tight breath forces itself into my lungs. My spine locks straight, and my jaw clenches so hard I can feel it in my ears.
“I just realized this went too far.Don’t fall in love with me,remember? That was the rule.”
I swallow, taking a step back. His fingers slip from my wrist, slower than they should, and I cross my arms at my chest, trying to build up my own armor.
“You’re absolutely right.”
His eyelids fall heavy, and for a second, I swear he’s about to take it all back. But when he looks at me again, there’s only a soft aching sadness there. I bring my hand to my chest, desperate to relieve the burning clawing sensation happening inside, and when he drops his gaze, like it’s too painful to look at me, the clawing turns to anger.
You don’t get to be upset when you’re the one doing this.
My nose burns. One blink and the single tear stain on my face will be met with uncontrolled others. I set my jaw and throw out the only words sharp enough to hurt back. “It was all fake anyway, right?”
He tucks the corner of his bottom lip between his teeth,biting down with so much force, I’m sure he’s going to draw blood.
I can see it. I can see the back and forth he’s having with himself.
Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me this has all been a big mistake and you’re just scared. We can fix this if you let me help.
“Right.”
I feel like I’ve been hit. The corners of my vision go blurry, and a crushing weight lands on my chest. It’s holding me underwater. I can’t breathe or think. Fuck, I don’t even think I can hear properly anymore.
I stay frozen, barely breathing until his hand reaches to wipe the tears sliding down my face.
“Chlo—”
“Get out.” My voice trembles.
He bites his lip, taking a step back, but it’s not fast enough for what I need.
“I hate you!” I sob, furious with myself for how broken I sound.
“I understand,” he murmurs before turning to leave and the sight guts me even through my anger.
“I hate you!” I scream again just as he reaches the door. “And I hate myself for believing you were anything more than what everyone says you are.”
Even with his back to me, I see the way he hesitates. I wanted to hurt him and I know it did. But it’s a lie. And I hate myself for using it.
Without another word, he turns the handle and leaves. I lunge forward, too late, and smash the side of my fist against the door. Whatever has been holding me upright the last ten minutes, finally falters. I sink to my knees until I’m nothing more than a puddle on the floor.
The pressure that consumes my chest is unbearable, and after an hour of drowning, I finally close my eyes, if for no other reason than to stop the tears.
41
